


Holding All The Pieces

by itsmadeofgold



Series: Gogo!AU [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Kradam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-24
Updated: 2011-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmadeofgold/pseuds/itsmadeofgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Kris face reality the day after their surreal night in Adam's dressing room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding All The Pieces

  
**Part 1: Kris**   


It was just after noon when Kris got into his car. He sat there staring blankly ahead for a few minutes, trying to remember who he was and what he should do next. His eyes wandered over to the glove compartment; with a resigned sigh he reached over and opened it, pulling out his cell phone. He groaned out loud when he saw the mess of calls, voicemails and text messages he had missed overnight.

Anna, four missed calls. Emily, six missed calls. Allison, twelve missed calls. Kris rolled his eyes, then opened his texts. His face went from irritation to mounting horror as he scrolled through the messages.

 _Anna [9:45 PM]: Where u at? Coming out tonight?_

 _Allison [10:08 PM]: Kriiiiiiiiiiis. Clubs. Downtown. Yeeeeeeeah?_

 _Anna [10:22 PM]: Hello? Leaving soon, where are u?_

 _Emily [10:31 PM]: KRISTOPHER. EARTH TO KRISTOPHER._

 _Allison [10:33 PM]: Fine. Later loser._

 _Emily [11:04 PM]: Just saw your car by The Park. Did u decide to meet us?_

 _Allison [11:12 PM]: We're at Copa. Amateur strip night. U know u want to come._

 _Anna [11:28 PM] R u around? Saw your car. Where did u go???_

 _Emily [1:07 AM]: Worrying about you. Get in touch._

 _Allison [2:20 AM]: On our way out, ur car still parked here. WTF???_

 _Allison [11:12 AM]: Kris??????_

 _Anna [11:30 AM]: At your apt, ur still not here. Freaking._

"Oh hell," Kris said softly.

He hesitated before pushing the button to listen to his voicemail, afraid of what he would hear. He finally bit the bullet - the messages weren't going anywhere and he might as well know what he was up against before he called them back. They were pretty much verbal rehashings of the texts, with more swearing and increasingly irritated tones of voice turning to worry as the night had worn on. The last one was Emily, received a half hour before: "Kris, Anna just called me and said your car was still not at your apartment building and she's getting no answer at the door. She's... scratch that, WE are freaking out here. Were you at the clubs last night? I know that was your car. What the fuck is going on? For Christ's sake give us a call."

Kris slumped forward, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. He had not been prepared for this. He had given it a bit of thought and decided that he wouldn't tell the girls about Adam just yet. Not that he didn't think they'd be cool with it, or that he was embarrassed, but he knew them well enough to know they'd want to meet him _immediately_. He wasn't ready for that yet, and knew that Adam certainly wasn't, either. He also didn't feel completely ready for all the questions they'd ask him, most of which he didn't know the answer to himself. He had planned to go home, get reacquainted with the version of himself that the world knew, and take a few deep breaths. Find balance. Stay calm. And try not to obsess too much over what Adam was thinking and doing, and about the time between now and when he'd next get to see him. Monday.

They'd left things on a good note, and Kris was relieved. Despite everything that had happened the night before, there was a part of Kris that had felt sure Adam was going to tell him goodbye and thanks for the good time in the morning, with no indication that he would be interested in seeing Kris again. Maybe he was steeling himself for it because he knew how badly that would hurt or maybe his mind still just couldn't reconcile that this was _real_ , but either way when that didn't end up happening Kris felt lighter. Giddy. As they'd been saying goodbye after breakfast, Adam said "come and see me tomorrow night." He hadn't offered his phone number and Kris hadn't asked, hoping that playing on Adam's terms would lessen the likelihood that his unease would turn into running away.

He had thought he'd spend the next two days just trying to stay sane. Just wait it out, try not to think too much, until he could talk to Adam and find out what the two days apart had done for his state of mind. He had not been planning to spend that time answering a million questions from his friends, having them force him to analyze everything when the last thing he needed was to analyze everything. But on the other hand, was there _any_ plausible reason his car might have been parked outside the bar all night? He searched for something. Anything. If he'd broken down, he would've called one of them. He didn't know anybody who lived in that neighborhood, and given that they had all been to that exact bar together a week ago, it would be hard to argue that he didn't know where he was or that he had any other reason to be there. He cursed under his breath. He was just going to have to tell them.

He took a deep breath and dialed Emily, then put the phone on speaker, set it in his cupholder, and started the car. She answered as he was pulling away from the curb.

"What. The actual. _FUCK_ , Kris," She said. He sighed.

"Hi, Em."

"Hi yourself. Where are you? Are you OK?"

"Downtown. I'm fine. On my way back right now."

"Downtown? You mean by The Park? Still?"

"Just leaving," he said, knowing he should be explaining himself by now but stalling, waiting for her to ask.

"OK," Emily said, taking a deep breath. "Are you going to tell me what's going on, or is it a secret or something?"

She was giving him an out, he knew. She was the only one who would. Allison would crawl right down his throat until he told her every detail of what he had done, where he had been, with whom and why. He knew that. And Anna would give him that concerned look; she'd be worried knowing that he was keeping something from them. She'd want to counsel him and would be hurt if he didn't let her. He knew Em would let this go if he asked her to, but it was futile. All three of them knew he'd been out all night and they knew roughly where he'd been, and he'd have to face them all soon enough. Kris had figured on them getting pissy with him for being MIA all night, but he'd thought he could give them a line about having fallen asleep early or something; he had not imagined them _knowing_ he'd been out and never come home. Getting off the hook with Em wouldn't solve anything, and if he was going to tell the story she would be the easiest one to tell it to. That's why he called her first.

"No, it's not a secret," he said. "I, uh. I met somebody." There were a few beats of silence.

"You... met somebody?" Em said. He could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. "At The Park?"

"Yes," he said.

"When did you...? Who... what? Kris, what?"

Kris took a deep breath before he began.

"Did you see the dancers there last week?" He said.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Emily said, sounding even more confused.

"There was one... his, uh. His name is Adam. He has black hair... he was wearing black shorts last week?" Kris's throat felt dry. He _really_ wished he didn't have to do this right now. He reminded himself that doing this one-on-one with Em on the phone was better than facing the horde when he got home, and that she'd relay the important stuff to the others so he wouldn't have to.

"Yeah, I think I saw him," Emily said, the confusion seeming to lessen as she felt closer to getting an answer. Kris knew that she was expecting something along the lines of "I met his sister" or "he introduced me to a friend."

"I was with him."

She didn't answer. Kris waited. The moments of silence seemed to stretch out, but Kris wanted her to decide what her first question was before saying anything. When she finally started talking again, she seemed to struggle with how to start, stammering a few times before finally speaking half a coherent sentence.

"OK," she said. "When you say you were with him, you mean..."

"Yeah."

"Wow. OK, so are you telling me that you're gay?"

"Not exactly," he said. "Or maybe. Or... oh, I don't know, Em. What I'm telling you is I spent last night with Adam."

"How did this happen?" she asked.

"I went back to see him," he said, deciding that she really didn't need to know about the failed attempt at same on Tuesday. The story was weird enough as it was. "I saw him last week and I... I don't know, I _noticed_ him. I kept thinking about him. I wanted to see him again, I can't explain it better than that. It freaked me out, trust me. It was really weird, at first. So I went, and I sat at a table and watched him, and," here Kris smiled, remembering the exhilaration of those first moments, how flustered he'd been at Adam's initial flirting. "He noticed me back."

"What happened?"

"He came over to talk to me," Kris said. "Well, it was more complicated than that, but, whatever, he said he didn't feel like dancing anymore and was taking the night off, and asked if..." he chuckled a little bit. "Sorry, he didn't so much ask as tell me that I was going to go with him. We went back to his dressing room and stayed there all night."

"In his dressing room? All night?" Em's voice shot up an octave.

"It wasn't like that," Kris said, then was glad she wasn't there to see him blush. "OK, It wasn't _all_ like that. We just... we talked a lot. Got to know each other a little bit. He gave me a backrub, smoked me up. We uh... heh. We danced."

 _"YOU danced?"_

"Yes, I did," Kris said, laughing. "It was really, really fun, Em. I had a great time. He's just. I don't know. Different. I can't explain it. And oh my GOD, so beautiful." He blushed again. Emily laughed.

"So," she said, still giggling. "What _happened?_ "

"You pervert," Kris said, laughing now, too. Calling Em had been the right choice. She skipped right past the fact that it was a guy Kris had been with, now just ready to get the details of his big romantic encounter.

"I'm not a pervert, just an inquiring mind. And a friend, who is here to listen and help in any way you may need."

"Uh huh," Kris said. "Well, I don't think you have any help to offer me in this particular arena, I'm sorry to say. But to satisfy your curiosity, some things happened."

"That doesn't satisfy my curiosity at all, Kris."

"OK, well, I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow account of what went down, so if you have specific questions, go ahead and ask. I'm not promising you'll get answers to all of them, though."

"Aw, shucks," Emily said. "And here I was really hoping for a _blow-by-blow account of what went down._ "

"Oh, shut UP! You ARE a pervert!"

"OK, so am I to infer that _that_ happened?"

"What are you referring to?" Kris was having trouble holding in his laughter now. Em was funny, to begin with; add that to the fact that he was still deep in Adam afterglow and actually kind of relieved to have somebody to talk about it with, and he felt so good he was a bit hysterical.

"The blowing. Or the going down. Pick a euphemism and go with it."

"Yes, that happened," he was still smiling. He couldn't find a way to stop. Shouldn't this conversation be uncomfortable?

"Oh my God, Kris. Did you...?"

"Yes, I did."

"Oh. My. GOD. Had you done that before?"

"Nope," he said. A giggle escaped before he continued. "I think I probably will again, though. I hope."

"You know," she said. "I went through a lot of scenarios in my mind, trying to figure out what the fuck happened to you last night. But it never even occurred to me that you might actually be _in_ the gay bar. Like, _being_ gay."

"Yeah, I never really saw that coming either, to be honest. But it wasn't as weird as I would've expected."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Well, it was like I knew I _should_ be freaked out, you know? I kept waiting for it to be really weird and scary... even before Adam came over to me, I was thinking about how I couldn't even manage to be embarrassed about being there staring at him. And then when I was with him, I was nervous at first because I liked him so much and I wanted him to like me, but it was like I forgot to be weirded out about him being a dude, or just couldn't manage it. That part didn't seem strange."

"What did seem strange?"

"Adam liking me. That was just... It hasn't even been half an hour since we said goodbye and I already can hardly believe that happened."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. So, what's the deal now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to see him again? Is he your boyfriend? Are you going to move to Iowa and get married? When can we meet him?" Kris cringed. _Oh, right_ , he thought. This was the part he'd been dreading.

"I am going to see him again tomorrow night," he said. "But I don't think you guys can meet him right away."

"Why not?" He could hear the pout in her voice.

"Because I don't _know_ if he's my boyfriend or not, or if he wants a boyfriend, or if I want a boyfriend... well, I think I kinda do, but that's complicated enough right there. And he doesn't seem to be much of a relationship guy. I'm trying to take it easy on him. Not to mention the fact that this time yesterday I was still pretty sure I was straight, apart from the weird infatuation. It's all really strange for both of us... I think taking things slow should be the first rule, and that doesn't include you three jumping up his ass and asking him when we're moving to Iowa."

"OK, that's fair," she said.

"Yeah, you say so," Kris said. "Wait until I tell Alli."

"Good point. Are you almost home?"

"Just pulling onto the street."

"OK," Em paused. "I'll call Alli and Anna and give them the abridged edition. Go home, relax, we'll be over in a bit to harass you for details."

"You'll be over in the amount of time it takes Allison to get here after you tell her."

Em laughed. "You're exactly right. See you soon."

Kris hung up the phone just as he was pulling into the parking lot at his apartment building.

He felt strange as he walked into his apartment. Still kind of light-headed and euphoric, but also tense and displaced. It was going to be a long day. He walked into his living room and plopped down on the couch, throwing his head back into the cushions. He closed his eyes for a minute and tried to just relax. Everything was about to get very crazy, he knew, and he wanted to enjoy this moment with his thoughts.

He decided the most important thing right now was to try to remember that Adam did like him. He knew that as time went on it was going to get easier to tell himself that it hadn't been real, but if he could only hold on to believing that it was, the next 36 hours or so would be a lot easier to survive. A critical loss of confidence was a real possibility, he had to admit. So he just took this minute to remember kissing Adam goodbye this morning. It had been very believable. If the message Adam's body had been trying to send was "I'm serious," then the message was received. _Remember that_ , Kris told himself.

Ten minutes. It took ten minutes from the time Kris hung up the phone with Emily before the pounding started on his door. He let out a sad whine as he got up from the couch, dreading the interrogation that was on its way and wishing he could just sit there remembering all the various messages he'd received from Adam's body last night.

"OH MY GOD," said Allison as she burst through the door. Kris barely got out of the way before it crushed him against the wall behind.

"Hi, guys," he said. "Come on in."

He closed the door and turned to face them. Anna and Em both looked serious, but not agitated. Well, Anna had that crease in her forehead that meant she was thinking something she wasn't saying, but she hadn't been here long so he figured she'd get that taken care of soon enough. Allison had both hands up in the air like she was directing traffic, her mouth hanging open, apparently having run out of ideas after "OH MY GOD." Kris took a step forward.

"Alli, it's OK," he said.

"I know it's OK!" she shrieked. "What the hell? Of course it's OK! But why didn't you tell us? You _know_ you could've told us, right?"

"I know it's weird, you guys. But it is _seriously_ not like that. Maybe I'm bisexual, I don't know. I have honestly never thought about it. But now that I think about it, and now that I've met Adam, yeah. Let's go with bi. But this is new for me, OK. I don't want you guys to think I've been, like, hiding my gay or something. I didn't even know I had any gay until very recently. I am sorry it's weird for you guys. It's weird for me, too. But not _bad_ weird, right? Just... new?"

Allison nodded, a small smile on her face. "Of course it's not bad, Kris. Just like, unexpected. But not bad," she paused, a mischievous look on her face. "Maybe really, really good, if this is any indication," She put one finger inside Kris's collar and pulled it to the side, exposing his bite. He chuckled once, but it kind of sounded like he was choking. He was blushing ferociously.

She grinned and reached out to pat his cheek twice before moving to sit on the couch. Em joined her there, while Anna sat on the floor beside the coffee table. They all had expectant looks on their faces: they were ready for the story. Kris sighed and sat in the armchair, hoping that this conversation wouldn't be as awkward as he feared it could be.

"So," Allison began, dragging out the "o" as if she were stalling what she was going to say next. "Are you gonna tell us about it?" She had a smirk on her face, but Kris was pretty sure that it was actually barely controlled glee, like that was the closest her mouth could come to not smiling right now.

"What do you want to know?"

"What happened? Like, what did he say to you?"

"He said, 'let's go,'" Kris said. Allison threw a throw pillow at him.

"I'm serious, I want to know!" She said.

"I'm being serious! That's what he said."

"He said 'let's go'?"

"Yes."

"And you went with him?"

"Well, yeah."

Allison rolled onto her side, laughing; she crashed into Em, who was giggling herself.

"You are such a slut!" Allison said, pointing. Kris rolled his eyes and threw his hands up. Of course. He should have known. Why on earth would he have expected some kind of freak-out about his sexuality from these girls? Of _course_ they would just be crass and make fun of him, that was why he was friends with them in the first place. Business as usual. It was kind of nice.

"OK, fine," he said. "I'm a slut. Did you guys see this guy though? Anna? Did you see him?"

"I think I know which one you mean," Anna said. "He had a streak in his hair, right? Green?"

"Blue."

Anna smiled, nodding. "He was pretty. So what happens next?"

"I'm going to see him dance tomorrow night," Kris said, leaning forward in his chair. "He asked me to come."

"Well, that's promising," Em said.

"Yeah, it's good," Kris said, nodding. "It's just, I don't want to freak him out. He's so... oh, God. I don't even know. I just really want the chance to spend some more time with him. But we had this moment last night where he made it pretty clear that he isn't really a 'boyfriend' type guy and he's got some baggage, so I'm really worried about scaring him off. But then, he also said he was ready to take a risk. So, I don't know. And then his brother this morning... we went out for breakfast with his brother? He's a pretty cool guy, actually. We got off to kind of a weird start. But anyway, he was acting like he couldn't believe what he was seeing the whole time... like Adam being out for breakfast with a guy in the morning was something that had never happened before. But I think maybe it never had. Which is scary enough in itself." He stopped, suddenly realizing that he was babbling. The girls looked rapt and fascinated, though. Their "I can't believe this is happening" faces reminded him of Neil's from that morning.

"This is really great, Kris," Em said in a low voice. "I think this could be good for you. And if it's meant to work out, it will." Kris nodded, grateful as always for her support.

"Yeah but, what if he _did_ want a boyfriend?" Allison said. "Would you be OK with dating him? I mean since he's a dancer and all?"

"I think so," Kris said, realizing that he hadn't really thought about that at all. "I don't know." He loved to watch Adam dancing, there was nothing about seeing that man move that was bad. And he knew that Adam loved it, too. He had told him he did it because he _had_ to. That it was who he was. But knowing now that Adam used it as a way to distance himself from others, that the pedestal he stood on was a barrier... it made it seem less innocent to Kris. And knowing about the dressing room, the way men would try to get to Adam and how he would sometimes let them, made him feel uneasy, too. That was a trust issue, though, right? If Adam asked him to be with him, wouldn't he be asking Kris to _trust_ him? But then, even that was assuming an _exclusive_ relationship, which Kris had no reason to assume was what Adam had in mind. If Adam wanted to be with Kris but keep his options open too, could Kris be OK with that? And why on earth was he thinking about it right now? He was just speculating, spinning his wheels. He shook his head.

"I don't want to get ahead of myself on this, guys," he said. "I have no idea what he's thinking or what's going to happen at all. Can we not do the what-if-this and what-if-that questions? They're just going to make me crazy."

"Sure, Kris," Anna said. "Why don't you just tell us about Adam instead. Em said we couldn't meet him, so..."

"Which is total bullshit, by the way," Allison added.

"Just not _right_ away, guys, OK?" Kris said. "Please?" Allison continued to look at him sourly, but eventually nodded.

"So," Anna continued. "Tell us what he's like."

"OK," Kris said, exhaling. He was beginning to feel relaxed again. He was suddenly glad to have gotten caught; it felt good to get all this stuff off his chest. "He's... well, gorgeous, to begin with," Kris said, and he didn't blush that time. "His eyes are just amazing, seriously, I think he might be an alien. They seem to change color... sometimes they're gray and sometimes they're blue, but either way I feel... it makes me feel like I'm sweating when he looks at me. Or like my heart is going to stop or something. He's _so_ intense sometimes, but other times, he's really silly. He tries to hide it, but you can tell that he's really just a _nice_ guy underneath all his swagger. He has this huge beautiful laugh..."

He went on and on. The girls interrupted him from time to time to probe for details, but for the most part he just talked and they listened. Anna looked a few times like she was about to cry, while Allison perched at the edge of the couch as if she were hearing the most riveting story ever told. Em couldn't stop smiling to save her life.

Kris realized what he sounded like, what they were thinking. They'd never seen him get this excited over _anybody_ before. At any point he could've said "it's really not that big a deal," and shrugged off all their questions, but he felt like he _had_ to talk about it. He couldn't stop. They were used to him being super-aloof, affected by nobody, and here he was talking a delirious stream about somebody he'd known just over 12 hours. He knew what they were thinking. He was thinking it too.

 

  
**Part 2: Adam**   


As Adam walked up the street, returning to meet his brother after having walked Kris to his car, he was concentrating completely on controlling his face. His thoughts were a lost cause by now, but if he could keep his face in check he thought he might be able to get away with it without too much prying from Neil. It was a wasted effort, it turned out.

"OK, great," Neil said as Adam joined him in front of the diner where they'd eaten that morning. "He's gone. Now you can explain to me what the hell is going on."

"As much as I love the gentle way you ask personal questions," Adam said. "I don't really want to talk about it right now." He continued walking past the restaurant, heading up the block toward his apartment building. Neil jogged a couple of steps to keep up with him.

"Come _on_ ," Neil said, keeping pace now. "Don't pretend that wasn't incredibly weird. How did it happen and what have you done with the Adam I've known the last ten years?"

Adam sighed, rubbing his forehead as he walked. He didn't even know where to begin explaining what was going on in his head, and he had not been kidding when he'd said he didn't want to talk about it. His mind kept trying to make sense of it, pinpoint the exact moment where he'd lost control of this situation, and figure out why that felt so good suddenly when he'd practically devoted his life to being in control of every situation. He was simultaneously churning with anxiety and trying to suppress a silly grin. And he had to decide what the next move was. He had only just said goodbye to Kris and was already looking eagerly forward to seeing him again tomorrow night. That was either a good sign or a bad one depending on how you looked at it, and Adam was still trying to figure out which way he was looking at it.

"I don't know how it happened, Neil," Adam said. "I brought Kris back to my room, and he kept surprising me. The biggest surprise was that I didn't want him to leave. He didn't want to leave either. So he stayed."

"Kept surprising you how?"

"He just wasn't what I expected. At all. He was... disarming, I guess. He was nervous at first, and I thought if I could get him loosened up, you know..."

"Yeah, I know," Neil said, rolling his eyes.

"But then, he didn't seem all that interested in sex. I mean, he was interested, of course, but he also just... it wasn't why he was there. He wanted to talk. And he was funny and charming, and so _open_ or something. He seemed invested in some way, like... what I said mattered to him, and he understood. I'm not explaining it right at all."

"He got you," Neil said.

" _Yes_. He _got_ me."

"So on a scale from one to ten, one being 'what intimacy issues?' and ten being moving to Burma, how fucking freaked out are you right now?"

"I'm surprisingly calm," Adam said. It was only a small lie.

"I would have expected you to have fallen off the grid by this point, so I guess 'surprise' is the word of the day."

"Yeah, well, I don't plan on falling off the grid," Adam said. They came to the corner and took a right.

"What _do_ you plan to do?"

"I plan to go home and relax. Maybe take a long bath. Read a book. Put music on."

Neil cocked an eyebrow. "You're going to stay here all day? Do you want me to hang out with you?"

"No _thanks_ ," Adam said. "I think I could use the time alone."

As they approached the front of Adam's apartment building, they saw a blonde girl sitting on the stoop, idly picking through her hair like she was looking for split ends. When Adam caught sight of her, he groaned out loud. She looked up.

"There you fucking are," she said. "Where the hell have you been? Hi Neil."

"I don't want to talk about it," said Adam. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Megan," said Neil. "Be nice to him, he's been feeling feelings."

"Well, I looked for you at the Rec Room last night. I don't want to act all entitled or bitchy or anything, but since we literally hang out there every Saturday, I guess I kind of figured it for a standing date. I got worried when I couldn't find you. You could check your texts you know, dick."

"Worried?" Adam cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, I was worried," Megan said, then looked down. "And I also left my purse in your apartment." Adam laughed. Of _course_ she had.

"Sorry, I wasn't up for the Rec last night," Adam said, pulling out his keys.

"After hours dancing? Please," Neil laughed, hitching a thumb at Adam. "He didn't even finish his _shift_ last night."

"What? Why not?" Megan said.

"Jesus, Neil," Adam said. "Could you shut up for once?" He opened the door.

"Shut up about what?" Megan said, following Adam into the building, Neil hurrying in behind her. "Why didn't you dance last night?"

"He met a boy," Neil said with a smirk.

"Goddammit, Neil," Adam said, turning to face him, then looking over at Megan. "I don't remember inviting either of you up." He pushed the elevator call button.

"I need to get my purse," Megan said. "A boy? So what? Oh, wait," she turned and looked at Neil, then back at Adam as understanding dawned. "You were feeling _feelings_ about a _boy_? Who were you with last night?" The elevator doors opened with a ding and Megan and Neil walked in. Adam rolled his eyes, briefly contemplating letting them go up while he went somewhere else to find his alone time, but then decided that kicking them out in a little while would be fun, too. He followed them on.

"This guy came in--" Neil began.

"Neil, please shut up," Adam said, reaching out to put a hand over Neil's mouth. He left it there as he said, "I was interested in this guy at the bar. I decided to hang out with him instead of dancing. He ended up staying with me in my room all night."

Megan looked confused. "In your room all night? You must be exhausted."

"Actually, I feel very refreshed," Adam said, taking his hand off Neil's mouth with a stern look. "We slept."

"You _slept_?"

"His couch is a sofa bed. Surprise!" Neil said. Adam held his hand up again, as if in warning. Neil stuck out his tongue.

"Oooooh-kay," Megan said. The doors dinged again, and the three made their way off the elevator and down the hall toward Adam's apartment. "So, you didn't dance at all last night, because you were _sleeping_ with a guy in your super-secret fold-a-bed, in direct violation of your own independent sleeping rule? What, is this like a new kink or something?"

Adam was holding in a laugh as he turned the key to open his apartment door. He knew he should be irritated with Megan and his brother, but he couldn't seem to keep it up. He had a lot to think about and was for the first time in years really unsure what his next step should be, but all that couldn't take away from the fact that he'd just had a really wonderful night followed by a lovely morning and finished with a truly memorable goodbye kiss; his afterglow was putting up a valiant fight against his doubt and confusion. He could deal with Neil and Megan for now. In fact, it was kind of nice not to be alone. And he had to admit, it was fun to see how agitated they were getting over this. Everybody was so used to him by now that it had been ages since he'd really _surprised_ them; he'd almost forgotten how good it felt to shake up people's expectations.

"Not exactly a kink, no," Adam said. "Just trying something new." He opened his apartment door and walked in, throwing his keys on the side table as he entered the living room. Megan and Neil followed him in.

"How did that work out for you?" Megan asked.

Adam turned and looked at her, pulling his leather jacket off as he considered her question. Finally he shrugged his shoulders and said, "pretty well, I think." He threw his jacket over the arm of the couch.

"Looks like it went pretty well," she said with a lopsided smile. "Also looks like you didn't _just_ sleep."

Adam's hand moved up to touch the bite on his neck. He had forgotten that it was half-exposed in the v-neck t-shirt he had on.

"Oh my God," Megan said. "Are you _blushing_? Adam Lambert is blushing! What the hell _happened_ to you last night?" She flopped down on the couch, patting the seat next to her and indicating for Adam to sit. Neil came around the couch and sprawled out on the floor, propped up on one elbow.

He wanted to fight her on it and be kind of bitchy about the whole thing. They _were_ kind of making fun of him after all, not to mention putting him on the spot. But part of him suddenly really wanted to talk, and Neil and Megan were the people he talked to. So in the end, he couldn't even find it in himself to put up a fight, even if only to save face. He was tired of fighting what he wanted, anyway. He took a seat on the couch beside Megan and immediately leaned over to put his head on her shoulder.

"Tell me about it, sweetie," she said. "What's his name?"

"Kris."

"And what happened after you brought Kris to your lair?"

"He asked me what I had done the night before. He remembered that I'd mentioned that I'd had a bad night, and he asked me what had happened," he sighed. "And then, after I told him the whole story, he made a really stupid joke about it, and it was adorable."

"And that was it?"

"More or less."

"That's why you should never let them talk," Megan said. "They can't get you with their cute jokes that way."

"He didn't _get_ me," He said, sitting up and turning to look at Megan.

"Oh yes he did," Neil said. "You told me so."

"Not like that. I meant he _got_ me, not that he like _has_ me."

"I think he's got you both ways, man."

Adam flopped back on the couch, exhaling in a gust. He could feel his euphoria leaving him as the anxiety bubbled up.

"Maybe he does," he said. "That's bad, though, right? That's really, really bad."

"Not if you got him, too," Megan said.

"He does," Neil said. "Trust me, I saw him. He's yours."

"Oh no," Adam groaned. "You're right. Oh, this _is_ bad."

"Why is that so bad?" Megan asked.

"Because I have no idea what I'm doing!" he said, throwing up his hands. "I really don't. I'm not boyfriend material. Ugh, I can't even believe I just said the word. I mean... I dance three nights a week, the other nights I'm either at clubs or parties, I don't... I mean, I've never even considered making time for somebody, I'm never around, I don't... I don't even know how to go about dating somebody in any kind of normal way. I have nothing to offer him. Nothing."

"He may have something to offer you," Neil said.

"He could do better," Adam said, sitting up again. "Do you really think there's any chance that I _wouldn't_ end up hurting him?"

"What did you say to him when you said goodbye?" Neil asked. "Is he expecting a call? Did you make plans?"

"I told him to come and see me tomorrow night."

"OK, do you think there's any chance that he won't come?"

"No," Adam said, not quite sure where Neil was going with this. "He'll be there."

"Of course he will. Because he wants to see you again, because he really likes you. So if you blow him off, or tell him it was a mistake or that he shouldn't come back again, he will be hurt. You can definitely hurt him now, or you can do what would make you both happy and see what happens."

"But what if what happens is that he leaves _me_? I'm not a prize. You guys know that as well as anybody. I don't have to be, you know? It wouldn't take him long to figure out that there's nothing that's any good for him behind the glamour. And then where would that leave me? Alone and feeling shitty. I prefer single and feeling sexy, thanks."

"Give me a break, Adam!" Neil said, sitting up on the floor. "Are you trying to tell me you could seriously see him tomorrow night, knowing what you both want, and send him away? You could look him in the face and hurt him, just to avoid the possibility of you getting hurt in the future?"

"I think I could do it," Adam said.

"You're a scumbag," Neil said.

"It would be best for him too, you know," Adam said. "Let's also not forget that this is _the straight guy_ we're talking about."

"WHAT?" Megan shrieked.

"Uh huh," Adam said.

"I don't think he really identifies as straight anymore, Adam," Neil said. "In case you didn't notice. I'm not entirely sure that argument holds up."

"Well, still. He's never been with a guy before, and it would involve this whole coming out process and probably weird culture clashes and his parents freaking out or who knows what. Why would I want to be involved in all of that? He'd be expecting me to hold his hand and guide him through all this rough emotional shit, and I am just as fucking clueless about this stuff as he is! This is what I'm saying. Do you see what I'm saying? He needs somebody who can take care of him. He deserves... goddammit. He just deserves better, OK?"

Megan leaned over and took Adam's hand in hers, a sympathetic look on her face.

"You are so fucking stupid," she said.

"Thanks," Adam said. "That helps a lot. I'm glad you guys came over."

"Seriously," she said. "Think about it. Think about what you just said, about how Kris needs somebody to take care of him. And then think about yourself, and how much you want to take care of Kris. Go ahead. Think about it."

"But I can't," he said. "It doesn't matter if I want to."

"It matters," she said. "What if he meets somebody who _doesn't_ want to take care of him? What if he's just hanging out at The Park, and you tell him you're not interested, and somebody else offers to take him home? Would it not make a difference to you?"

"Fuck," Adam said, then stood up. "OK, I'm really sorry you guys, but I think alone time has arrived. I need you to go."

"Are you sure?" Megan said, standing. "I can stay if you need to talk. Are you OK?"

"Totally fine, I promise," Adam said. Neil hopped up from the floor.

"You're not going to move to Burma, are you?"

"No, not dropping off the grid or fleeing the country. I just need a little time to myself, I think."

"OK," Megan said, giving him a hug. As she walked out the door, she said, "call me if you need to."

Neil left behind her, waving and saying, "don't be a dumbass."

Adam sighed as the door closed, then turned and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He turned on the radio he had mounted on the wall, then leaned into the tub to turn on the water. His eye caught on the silver glinting up from the bottom of the tub; a result of his shower here with Kris this morning. He stood up, watching the glitter swirl with the running water and thinking wistfully about how _good_ he'd felt this morning. He had been so relaxed. How had he not seen this coming? Being near Kris had made him feel safe, like everything could be as easy as he wanted it to be, like he could become the person he wished he was just by being with him. Away from him now, it seemed so obvious that this whole thing was doomed from the start. Why had he asked Kris to stay? Why had he opened up so much? It all seemed so terrifying to him now, while at the time it had felt like coming up for air.

He took his clothes off as the tub filled, remembering Kris helping him with this job earlier today. He thought of Kris's shy little smile and open, expectant face, and couldn't help smiling himself. Oh, this was really, really bad.

He stepped into the tub and lowered himself into the water, watching the silvery sparkles spin in eddies around him. He lay back, stretching out, resting his feet on the opposite wall and knitting his hands behind his head. He tried to clear his mind and let the warm water soothe him, but his mind didn't want to be cleared. He couldn't stop thinking about Kris.

He wondered what Kris was doing at exactly that minute. Was he thinking about Adam? Adam hoped that he was and that he wasn't at the same time. Then with sudden horror, Adam realized that Kris might be having doubts, too. Maybe being away from Adam had made Kris realize some things, and maybe he was trying to think of a way to let Adam down easy already. It wasn't so far-fetched, really; Adam had been away from Kris for less than ten minutes before he began to realize how complicated the situation would be and the panic had begun to set in. Who's to say that Kris might not have also come to his senses? Maybe letting him off the hook was the nicest thing Adam could do for him.

Adam brought his hands down and began lazily moving them through the water, watching the glitter swirl around his fingers. He remembered rinsing Kris off this morning, watching the water run off of him, how he'd been unable to stop himself from reaching out to touch him. He remembered kissing Kris desperately with the water rushing over them, the feeling of his wet skin under his hand. He remembered how he'd felt in that moment, like he could stay there forever. Like he'd brought a dream with him into the day.

But he hadn't been _thinking_ then, and neither had Kris. There was so much to consider, not the least of which, as far as Adam was concerned, was the inevitability of heartbreak for one or both of them. Adam felt sick at the mere thought of Kris's rejection, which was a feeling he _hated_. It was powerlessness and fear, two things he avoided at all costs. The only way to eliminate the chance of Kris rejecting him was to reject him first. But he hated the thought of doing that, too. He didn't want to lie to him, and couldn't stand the idea of causing him pain. There were no good options.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, taking a deep breath. He wondered how meeting somebody wonderful, somebody who makes him feel new and exciting, somebody who's everything he didn't know he wanted, could make everything so difficult. How could it lead to nothing but bad options and the certainty of pain? It made no sense. He tried again to relax. He focused on his muscles and the feeling of the warm water. He tried to empty his mind, to find calm. He thought of Kris.

 

  
**Part 3: Shifts**   


It was pouring down rain as Kris pulled into the small parking lot beside The Park. It was relatively empty; bad weather plus Monday night doesn't generally equal hopping dance club. He pulled into a spot near the door then cut the engine, sitting there staring forward for a moment. He'd had Em over all day, which had been a good idea. They watched movies and played video games and it was really the perfect thing to keep his mind off of tonight. And then, as she'd been leaving, she said, "don't play any games. Just go. Be yourself. See what happens." And he thought it was really good advice. He felt OK.

Well, you know, mostly. This whole thing was pretty intense, he couldn't deny that. He'd had some time to think about the drastic change his life was going through, and how it all hung on tonight; it was never going to be the same either way, he just didn't know yet which way it would go. It was kind of nerve-wracking, and he'd white-knuckled the wheel all the way here. He took a deep breath as he got out of his car, hurrying through the rain to the door, getting drenched in the process.

The only problem with the set-up in the bar was that Adam's platform was right beside the door. Kris didn't have time to really prepare himself, to have a moment to look around for him, to maybe see him from afar first and have a second to process it. He walked through the door and turned, running a hand through his wet hair, and saw a pair of knee-high red leather boots, dripping with buckles and zipped up the front, directly in front of him. His breath hitched in his throat as his eyes moved up, passing over a pair of breathtakingly tight red leather shorts hugging toned thighs as they swayed, moving in time with the broad shoulders that were peppered with light freckles and a sprinkling of red glitter. When his eyes finally moved up to see the dancer's face, Adam was looking right back at him, and Kris stopped breathing. Just like the first time. Adam's eyes were burning, and it wasn't just the wild, smokey blend of red and black makeup that surrounded them, glinting with swirls of red rhinestones, that made them look that way.

Adam kept dancing for a moment, but seemed to lose focus and the rhythm escaped him quickly. His mouth turned down and he looked indecisive for a moment before crouching down and hopping off of his platform. He was a good bit taller than Kris to begin with, but the added height of his boots made him have to bend low to give Kris a firm, hungry kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around Kris's waist. Shocked, Kris just stood there for a moment, his mind chaos. There weren't that many people there, but he could feel everybody who was watching them, and he knew their number would include Neil. Understanding dawned and Kris gasped, moving up into Adam quickly as he wound his arms around his neck. Kris luxuriated in the feeling of Adam's lips, his tongue, his arms wrapped tightly around him, losing all track of time and place, until Adam broke their kiss to move his lips to Kris's ear.

"Let's go," he said.

Kris didn't need to be told twice this time. Adam started toward the back of the club, towing Kris by the hand behind him. As the bar flew by in a blur to his left, Kris heard an indistinct growl of complaint coming from behind it, to which Adam answered "I'll be back! I promise!" Must've been Neil, Kris guessed.

Adam burst through the door of the dressing room, pushing it closed with one hand as he used the other to pull Kris close. He kissed him again, a continuation of their kiss at the door, and Kris melted, unable to believe he'd ever been nervous about coming here. What could possibly be bad about this?

Adam dove into Kris's neck, sucking and biting it as his hands moved up to Kris's chest to start working on his buttons. "Is this OK?" he muttered into Kris's skin. Kris threw his head back in response, giving Adam better access, a groan emanating deep from his chest. Adam pushed Kris's shirt back off of his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Then, placing one hand on the back of Kris's neck and one on the button of his jeans, he began turning Kris as he kissed him, positioning him. Kris turned his head to see where they were going and noticed that the bed was pulled out, made with only a bottom sheet and four pillows scattered on top. He closed his eyes as he felt Adam's hands roam around cup his ass; Kris wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into another kiss as they tumbled together onto the bed.

***

Adam was breathless, unthinking as he landed on the bed, bracing himself on his hands quickly to avoid crushing Kris beneath him. He bent his elbows, lowering himself as gently as he could in his need to feel his skin on Kris's and continued devouring him with kisses and licks and bites. He hadn't envisioned it this way, earlier. He hadn't known what was going to happen at all, really. He had gone back and forth on it all night and all day, fending off phone calls from Neil and Megan, running through arguments and counter-points, answering every want with a doubt. He had gotten ready for his shift tonight still wondering what he would say when he saw Kris, still unsure whether it would be the last time he would see him.

But when Adam saw Kris walk through the door tonight, his heart did a somersault. He was immediately thrilled to see him and shocked and grateful that he had come; he knew right then he couldn't possibly send him away. If Kris was here with bad news, if he had changed his mind, Adam knew he was just going to have to take that hit and live with it. But then Kris had tilted his head and Adam could feel his eyes running up his body, taking their time on the way. When their eyes met, he saw that same awe he'd seen on Kris's face on Saturday, the same naked want. He hadn't changed his mind. He'd come back for Adam, again.

He hadn't been able to stand looking down on him. He didn't like the distance between them and knew he had to eliminate it, there had been no question. His head felt like it was spinning and he barely knew himself in that instant, but _get closer to Kris_ had been his clear and easily-followed directive. Amazing that he'd spent two days wondering how he should react in this moment, when in the end it had never been up to him at all. The decision was made.

Adam laughed against the soft skin of Kris's chest as he moved over him, exploring him with his mouth and hands.

"Something funny?" Kris asked.

"Just thinking," Adam said. "Neil made me promise I'd at least make it to my break time before I ran off with my _boyfriend_." He ran his tongue in a circle around a nipple and Kris stiffened beneath him; Adam wondered if it was his tongue or the word that brought on that reaction. "I didn't even come close."

Kris reached down, grabbing Adam by the shoulders and pulling him up to his mouth. He kissed him twice then said, "how much do you need this right now?"

Adam tried to hide his frown by ducking his head, burying it behind Kris's ear.

"You want to talk instead?" he said.

"I'd like to talk _first_ ," Kris said, running his hand over Adam's back. "But you know if you really don't want to, I won't be hard to sway."

"No, that's OK," Adam said, rolling off of Kris and propping himself up on an elbow to face him. "We can talk. Where do you want to start?"

"Um," Kris paused, unsure of how to address all the hundreds of things he wanted to ask Adam. "How was your day?"

Adam laughed. "It was weird," he said. "I'm not usually nervous before coming in to work. I got a little overdramatic with the costuming tonight, I think. I'm blaming it on the butterflies."

"I like it," Kris said.

"Thank you."

"Why so nervous?"

"I don't like not being in control. I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, and it made me feel kinda... wild, I guess. Off-balance."

"Oh," Kris said, brow furrowed. "So... what were you thinking were the possibilities for what might happen?"

Adam sighed, unsure where to start and how much to tell. He still wasn't sure he knew how this thing was going to end, and that uneasy feeling made him want to close off and not say anything. Another part of him was scared of hurting Kris's feelings by admitting how many hours he had spent over the last two days trying to figure a way _out_ of this. Still another part badly wanted Kris to know how new this was for him, how exciting and terrifying. It felt _important_ to him in some way, and whatever else happened he hoped Kris knew that. He kind of felt like he might go crazy if he didn't get at least some of it off his chest, but as he opened his mouth to start speaking he felt like he was venturing into a mine field.

"I like you a lot," he said. "I know I really don't know you, and it's ridiculous in a million different ways, but... I don't know. I just feel like I _want_ to know you. I'm interested in you in a way I don't usually get interested in guys, and I know it's weird and I'm kind of making it a big deal but really, it is... unsettling, I guess, for me. And then sometimes I think it's a good thing. But..." He heard Kris's sharp intake of breath as he paused. "The truth is, though, that I'd make a really shitty boyfriend, and I don't know if you'd end up getting fed up with me or if I'd feel trapped by you, but one or the other is going to happen and I _hate_ the idea of going through something like that, or making you go through it, and I wonder if it isn't better just to have this, just to keep a good memory and not spoil it..."

He trailed off and they lay in silence for a moment. Kris opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, seeming to be searching for just the right way to say what he was thinking.

"Wow," he said, finally. "That's really, really stupid."

"That's what Megan said! Ugh! What is so stupid about wanting to have a good time and save us both from getting hurt?"

Kris turned over so he could better look at Adam, then said, "because there's so much other stuff to do besides _this_. Not that I haven't enjoyed hanging out with you in your dressing room. I definitely have. But it would be fun to go out somewhere with you, too. Breakfast worked out OK, didn't it? We could move on to dinner. Tell me what you're so scared is going to happen. Let's say, right now, I asked you to dinner tomorrow night, and said you could pick the restaurant and then maybe after that we could go out for drinks or something. Tell me how that leads to despair for us both."

"OK, it does sound kind of stupid when you put it like that. But that's not what I mean."

"What do you mean? I'm not making fun of you, I'm really asking. What is it that you think is going to happen?"

"Dinner would be nice," Adam said, quietly. He didn't continue. He was starting to feel like his argument might be a little weak. In fact, he wasn't sure he could remember what his argument had been to begin with.

"Yeah? So what's to worry about?"

"What happens after dinner?"

"You can get me drunk, if you want. You might even get me to dance with you."

"Sounds like a good date."

"See?" Kris snuggled in closer to Adam. He angled his head up to bury his lips at the base of his throat, kissing it softly. Adam squirmed.

"Here's the thing," Kris said, murmuring into Adam's skin. "If you like me, that's good. Because I like you. And if you want to go out to dinner with me tomorrow night, that's great, because I'm free. Why are you thinking so far beyond that?"

Adam sighed as he realized, finally, that he was stupid. Kris was pressed up against him, all warm and eager and nibbling at his throat. He was making him feel wonderful, and asking for the opportunity to keep doing it, and Adam knew that he was an idiot for ever trying to fight it. He was making everything needlessly complicated; it could be easy. Maybe it was just being near Kris that made him feel hopeful, but if that was the case he was just going to have to be sure to be near Kris as often as possible. He put his arms around him and pulled him closer.

"OK," Adam said. "Let's do dinner tomorrow night."

"Yeah?" Kris said, grinning into Adam's skin.

"Yeah," Adam said, angling his head down and pulling Kris up into a kiss.

"What do you want to do now?" Kris asked. Adam sighed.

"I should probably get back out there," he said, looking toward the door. "I might be able to get out early tonight, if I can salvage some of Neil's goodwill. Not being gone too long might help."

Kris nuzzled in closer with a whine. "But you've got me all shirtless and everything," he said.

"I know," Adam said, reaching down to give Kris's ass another squeeze as he sighed again. "It's a shame. But come out and watch me. You can drink for free, and I'll put on a good show for you. I'll finish up as early as I can, and we'll... do something else, after that. Sound OK?"

"OK, deal," Kris said, sitting up. He got dressed quickly as Adam hopped up to check his makeup in the mirror. When they were ready to go, Adam reached over to link hands with Kris as they walked out the door.

***

As Kris walked through the door and back onto the dance floor, hand-in-hand with Adam, he felt high. He felt in control of the situation now. Every touch, every look from Adam made him feel stronger, safer. He could feel his hope swelling despite Adam's doubts - he knew Adam's fears were unfounded, based on experiences that had nothing to do with Kris. Kris knew if he could maneuver gently, if he could find a way to keep Adam comfortable as they got to know each other, that this could go somewhere. He felt like he understood exactly what he had to do, and that understanding was like power. He knew Adam wanted him; It clicked inside him like puzzle pieces falling into place, and he was wired with knowing it. His heart was pounding.

Adam waved toward the bar as they passed it, and Kris looked over to see Neil wave back in acknowledgment. He didn't look angry, so Kris guessed that was a good sign. Adam led Kris to the table with the best view of his platform - the one he'd been at the other night, naturally. By way of saying goodbye, Adam put one hand on the back of Kris's head and leaned in for a long, dirty kiss, his tongue flicking against the roof of Kris's mouth and licking along his bottom lip on the way out. Kris arched up into Adam as Adam dropped his hand and pulled away. He smirked as he walked backward toward his platform, leaving Kris looking after him with a pout.

Kris's impatience was intense as he took his seat, fidgeting as he waited for Adam to begin; the night stretching out in front of him seeming very long indeed. He felt like he was going to burst into flames at any moment if he couldn't have Adam, and he had to endure hours of watching him dance, mere feet in front of him, without being allowed to touch. It was like some kind of bizarre torture.

Adam stood at the base of his platform for a few moments making smalltalk with a waitress, keeping one eye on Kris. Kris noticed Adam watching him and smiled. Then the beat changed, a new song started, and this seemed to be the moment Adam had been waiting for to make his reentrance. He turned and climbed up onto his platform, popping his hip with a wink as he prepared to begin his dance.

Then Adam began to move, and Kris was transfixed. He started with a slow swivel of his hips, keeping his eyes on Kris. They were a blazing ice-blue, contrasting strikingly from the glinting fire of his makeup. He began to move faster, pelvis rocking in a circle to the pounding beat of the song, eyes burning into Kris as he moved his hands slowly down his body, gripping at his thighs before moving his hands inward, moving them back up over the bulge of his shorts. He threw his head back, then, closing his eyes and running his tongue over his lips.

Kris was sweating. He knew this whole show was for him, that every sinful gyration was for his benefit tonight. The blistering hot stare was for him, and this glittery-gorgeous creature was going to be his tonight. He felt drunk, and more than a little grateful for the table that was currently masking his insistent and nearly painful erection.

Suddenly there was a drink on his table. Kris looked to the right and saw a man standing there; thin, pretty, blondish hair. He was smiling at him.

"He's hot, huh?" the man said. Kris blinked.

"Yeah, he is," he answered, giving a questioning glance to the offered drink in front of him, suddenly understanding what was happening. He looked back over at Adam's platform and saw him watching him as he moved, a concerned look on his face.

"You're hot too," the blonde continued. "What's your name? I'm Ryan."

"Kris," he said, turning away slightly, trying to convey his disinterest as clearly as possible without being rude.

"I bought you a drink," Ryan said, gesturing toward the glass that Kris was very carefully ignoring. "Can I sit with you?"

Kris squirmed, glancing back over at Adam. "Actually," Kris said. "I'm sorry, I'm not interested. Thank you, though. I appreciate it." He felt so awkward. Ryan snorted.

"Well, OK," he said. "You can sit here and stare at him all night, but you might actually get something out of spending some time with me."

Anger flashed across Kris's face as he turned to look at Ryan. "I'm getting plenty out of staring at him, thank you," he said, unable to stop himself. "And I'm going to get even more as soon as his shift is over."

"Oh?" Ryan said, laughing. "What gives you that idea?"

Kris turned away, looking toward Adam. Adam was watching him with a furrowed brow, still dancing, but clearly focused on Kris and what was happening at his table. When they made eye contact, Adam's eyebrows went up and he appeared both questioning and surprised as well as a little worried. Kris gave him a small smile, trying to reassure him that this was nothing he couldn't handle.

"Look at him," Kris said. "Watching me."

Ryan looked over at Adam then back at Kris, seeming unmoved. "Honey, just 'cause he thinks you're hot doesn't mean he's _with_ you. He's been with a lot of people, trust me. Doesn't mean a damn thing. Hell, you treat me right you might get yourself a second night. All that bitch'll give you is a kick in the ass on your way out the door."

"You seem to think you know a lot," Kris said.

"I know all I need to know about him," Ryan said. "And all you need to know is that slutbag isn't worth your time."

Kris pushed his chair back and stood up. He knew it was the wrong thing to do. He should've just put his head down and taken a deep breath, counted to ten, told the guy to fuck off and left it at that. But he hadn't had time to think, his body reacted to the surge of protective anger that came over him before he even had time to register feeling it. Kris was small, but Ryan was about his size, and he found himself staring straight into his eyes, nose-to-nose, his fists clenched tight at his sides.

"I think I'm ready for you to go," Kris said, carefully keeping his voice even. "You can take your drink."

He took a step back and felt a body close behind him. Startled, he turned and saw Adam standing there, his face angry. Looking back at Ryan, Kris saw that he was smirking now, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What did you say to him?" Adam said.

"Nothing he didn't need to hear," Ryan said.

Kris moved in closer to Adam, winding one arm around his waist as he looked up at him. "It's OK," he said. "No big deal. He was just about to go, actually."

"Well, when you find out that I was right," Ryan said. "Come back and find me. I'll forgive you; he _is_ pretty."

"It's not going to happen, Ryan," Adam said.

"Oh no? You don't think I have a shot with him?"

"I know that you don't. He's mine."

" _Yours?_ "

Kris felt his face light up with blush as he clutched Adam tighter. Mine.

"Yes," Kris said.

Ryan let out one incredulous chuckle before shaking his head and walking away. As soon as he was out of earshot, Adam turned to face Kris.

"What did he say to you?" he said, frowning.

"Nothing important," Kris said. "Go. I want to watch you some more." He moved in close to Adam and ran his tongue along his jaw, feeling smug as Adam shuddered and relaxed into him. Adam gave Kris a squeeze before turning to return to his platform.

Kris took his seat again and signaled to a waitress. He ordered a drink, keeping one eye on Adam as he did so, watching as he moved experimentally, moving his head back and forth as if trying to clear his mind and find the rhythm. He focused back on Kris then, keeping his eyes on him as he settled into the beat. Kris watched him mesmerized, in awe of the way the music seemed to take over his entire body, as though his limbs had no choice but to move exactly as the rhythm directed. And they did it so perfectly, oozing confidence and sex; he was truly breathtaking to watch. The added intensity of his stare burning into his eyes made Kris feel light-headed, like there was a chance that he was dreaming the whole thing.

Time passed and Kris didn't notice, lost in Adam's dance. He had no idea how many minutes had passed or songs had played, but at a certain point he glanced down and noticed a drink on the table beside his hand, in a puddle of condensation. He took a sip, training his eyes on Adam again as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone with his other hand. It was 12:35. If Adam was going to get off early, it could conceivably be soon. Kris couldn't believe how the time had flown; what he'd imagined would be torture had ended up being like living in a fantasy, and knowing that the frustration and anticipation it brought on would pay off later made it even sweeter.

He glanced at his text messages. One from Allison: "You got this, baby! Show him wuzzup!" Two from Em: "Thinking about you. Fingers crossed." and "Call me when you can. Hopefully not until tomorrow." Kris snickered as he slipped his phone back into his pocket and looked back up at Adam. _Definitely not until tomorrow_ , he thought.

Kris's heart stuttered when he saw Adam crouch down and realized he was getting off of his platform. He stood up, watching Adam walk toward his table, his heart accelerating.

"OK," Adam said as he arrived, panting slightly. "It's pretty dead in here. It should be cool if I leave now."

"You're done? For the night?"

"Yeah."

Kris grabbed Adam by the hand and turned to pull him across the empty dance floor to the back of the club. He didn't glance at the bar as they went by it, and didn't see Neil watching with a smirk as they hustled past him.

Kris flung the door of the dressing room shut after leading Adam through it, then turned to look at him, his eyes half-wild. Adam was looking back at him with a face full of confusion, eyebrows knit together in a question.

Kris launched himself at him, pinning Adam against the door with a kiss like an answer.

 

  
**Part 4: Waiting**   


Adam was ready. Usually he was the one holding everybody up, touching up his makeup or tweaking his outfit at the last minute, running around yelling about shoes while people were screaming at him that it was time to go. Tonight, though, he was ready. He was wearing shiny black jeans, a deep blue, subtly shimmering button-down shirt, a pinstriped black blazer and black cowboy boots. He had his hair brushed back and sculpted, his makeup soft blue and black smoke. He was sitting on the couch, idly scrolling through old text messages on his phone, killing time.

The problem was that he'd woken up at what would be considered by most to be a reasonable hour this morning. He was used to being in bed until the afternoon, and on his days off he might even take a nap as he killed the daylight hours and waited for it to be time to go out again. Then he would get lost in his getting-ready routine, dancing and playing mix-and-match with his looks, and before he knew it Megan was shrieking at him from the living room that _any of the many pairs of black boots would work fine let's just GO._

He had said goodbye to Kris at eight o'clock that morning, an hour that Adam rarely saw. Kris had had to go to work. Adam had been irritated when Kris's cell had started beeping at such an ungodly hour, taking more than a few moments to blearily understand it was his alarm; it had never occurred to him that Kris might have somewhere to go. He worked in a music store, it turned out. He was a manager - Adam couldn't believe he'd never asked him what he did for a living. Kris said guitars were a passion of his, and he knew everything there was to know about them. He also played and sang on occasion. Adam asked if he could ever watch him perform, and Kris said he would play for him someday. Adam couldn't wait.

It had been another surreal morning. The night before had flooded back into Adam's mind the second he opened his eyes and saw Kris laying there, his head on his chest. Hadn't he said that Kris kept surprising him? He wasn't sure _surprise_ was even the right word anymore: Adam was shocked. Flabbergasted. Kris had been intense last night. Hungry. He had held Adam up against the door a long time, kissing him ravenously until both their faces were raw. And then he'd dropped to his knees, practically clawing at Adam's shorts to get them off. And as Kris pushed them down, the relief of being out of the tight leather coupled with the sudden rush of cooler air made Adam shudder just as Kris took him into his mouth. Oh God, the noises Kris had made. Adam sat on the couch in his apartment, remembering the night before and getting hard again, waiting for Kris.

He'd gotten rough with him. Adam had scratches down his back and a few pretty impressive bruises to show for their enthusiastic play. Kris had taken control, and Adam was surprised by how much he had reveled in being dominated. He had never imagined he would find it so unspeakably hot to be possessed by somebody, but Kris had just _owned_ him and Adam had been driven half-crazy with lust. And then the situation shifted, and Adam had taken control. He felt comfortable there, too. Kris bent to him, opened for him, and so sweetly. So genuinely and so completely. And when he was finished, Kris had taken over again, and the cycle started all over. It had been a dizzying exchange of power and of trust, back and forth, until they collapsed into each other and fell into satisfied sleep. Adam had woken up this morning disoriented and sore but feeling happy and light.

He had said goodbye to Kris with a small kiss, after adding Kris's number to his phone and promising to text details once their dinner reservation was made. Kris was going to pick him up at seven, like a real honest-to-God date. After that Adam had just felt lost all day, unsure what to do. Having gotten up early, the day just seemed so long. He should've napped, it would've been a smart thing to do considering he was likely to be out late tonight, but he couldn't close his eyes. He was wired. Impatient. The hours he usually slept through crawled by, torturously slow.

He wanted to call Kris, to text him; he fought the urge all afternoon. He kept telling himself he'd seen him this morning and would see him tonight and there was _no reason at all_ to send him another message after he'd sent the reservation time, but he wanted to just the same. He didn't even know what he wanted to say, he just knew he wanted to say _something_ , make sure Kris was still there, still real. He wished Kris would send him a message and give him an excuse. Anything; a question about what he was wearing, food preferences, whatever. Any excuse to respond. But every time his phone buzzed it was Megan, and he would punch the "ignore" button with a frown. Why didn't he just answer the phone? Talking to her would've killed some time and maybe even made him feel better. He didn't know why. He barely recognized himself today. He'd started getting ready way too early, desperate for anything to do, and now here he was, waiting, staring at the only communication he'd had from Kris today: his reply to Adam's text. It was just a smiley face.

He was startled when his phone started buzzing in his hand.

Adam sighed when he saw that it was Megan calling again. He decided to finally put her out of her misery; anything to make these last few minutes just go _faster_. He held the phone to his ear.

"Hey, girl," He said.

"HELLO," Megan answered, exasperated. "What is going on? Are you trying to kill me? I'm literally _dying_ over here."

"Literally?"

"Please, oh God, tell me what happened before I die of curiosity. Tell me now."

Adam laughed, but it sounded a bit choked. "He came into the bar," he said. "We talked a little bit, and then I danced my shift, and then he came back to my room with me. Oh, and Ryan hit on him. That was fun."

"Ryan?" Megan said. "What the hell? What happened?"

"I don't know, missed most of it. I was dancing so I couldn't hear them or anything. I went over at the end... it looked like Kris was getting pissed off, and he stood up, so I went to make sure everything was OK. It looked like he was going to hit him for a second."

"Jesus. What did Ryan say to make him mad?"

"I don't know," Adam said, sighing. "When I asked he didn't answer, and then I didn't ask again. It kind of freaked me out though. God. Who knows what Ryan might say about me." He shivered.

"We all make mistakes, sweetie," Megan said. "Although, if Ryan was talking shit on you and your boy looked like he wanted to deck him, that's gotta be a good sign, right?"

"I guess so," Adam said, but he didn't sound sure about that at all.

"So, OK, you went back to your room," Megan said. "Then what?"

"And then things got... intense," Adam said, leaning forward on the couch. "It was crazy, Megs, seriously. And awesome. And like. I can't even tell you. We had a good time."

"I'm going to need more details."

"What kind of details are you looking for, perv?"

"Not _that_ kind of details," she said. "Did you talk?"

"Nope, not really," he said, chuckling shakily.

"Oh my," Megan said, snickering. "Did he stay the night again?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Are you going to invite him to leave a toothbrush in your dressing room?"

"Shut up."

"Sorry, sorry. So, how are you now? OK?"

"I'm OK, I think," Adam said. "I'm freaking out and not freaking out at the same time. Half of me is thinking _holy shit, this is insane, what the fuck am I doing?_ and the other half is all, _yay, this is awesome!_ I don't even know. But I think _yay_ is winning right now, even though I kind of feel like I'm going to throw up."

"Well, yay for yay, I guess" Megan said. "But why so pukey?"

"He should be here in a few minutes. We're having dinner."

"A date! That's awesome! Why does that make you nauseous?"

"I'm..." he paused, pursing his lips. "I'm nervous," he said. Megan laughed sharply, then stifled it. "Yes, it's hilarious, I know," Adam said, frowning. "It's just like, now that I'm buying into this whole dating thing - and seriously, I don't think I ever had a choice in that at all, the adorable little bitch - there's the very real chance that I will screw it up. Now that the cut and run option is off the table, I actually have to _do_ this. I'm pretty sure I'm going to suck at it."

"It's just hanging out, Adam," Megan said. "You know how to hang out with people, don't you? It's dinner. Order some food, eat. Have some conversation. Try to be funny."

"Thanks for the advice," he said sourly. "I know I'm an idiot and I'm making a huge fucking deal out of something that's simple for everybody else. That's part of the problem. Knowing I'm an idiot makes me even more nervous. Jesus Christ, why did I answer the phone? You're not helping at all."

"Seriously, _it's just hanging out_. Take it one step at a time. Why are you thinking so far ahead?"

"That's what Kris said."

"Sounds like a smart guy. What did you do to make him say that?"

"He said he wanted to take me out," he said. "I told him maybe we should just leave it alone and have a good memory instead of screwing it up by dating."

"Holy shit, you _are_ an idiot," Megan said. "He must really like you to tolerate it."

"I'm hanging up."

"No, no, no!" she said. "Sorry. You are awesome, you know. It's going to be OK. Just be yourself. He likes you. Nothing to be scared of."

"Except for the possibility that I'll decide to go all gung-ho with this and not to be scared, and then he'll change his mind," Adam said, wincing at the thought.

"Adam," Megan said sternly. "Has he given you any sign that he's going to change his mind? Sounds to me like he's chasing you pretty hardcore. This boy is into you."

"He's straight, Megs. Or, he always has been. Do people really suddenly decide they like dick in the middle of their 20's? After a lifetime of liking girls? Does that ever happen?"

"It could happen," she said. "Denial is a very powerful thing. And he certainly seems to like _your_ dick, and he's picking you up to take you out. He wants to be with you, and be with you in public. What more do you want from him? What can he do to make you trust him?"

"Ugh," Adam said, laying his head back on the couch. "I don't know. I really. Ugh."

"Relax, honey. Where's he taking you?"

"He told me to pick, so I made a reservation at Frankie's. Nothing too weird on the menu there, in case he's picky, and it's kind of ambiance-y."

"And walking distance to the clubs," Megan said. "Very good choice."

Adam's intercom buzzed, and he stood up.

"He's here," he said. "I gotta go."

"Good luck!" Megan said. "And try to chill out. Oh, and I'm going out tonight too! Maybe I'll bump into you guys?"

"No," Adam said. "Megan, don't. Please, please don't."

"I'll be good," she said. "I just want to meet him. It's _bound_ to happen eventually."

Adam sighed dramatically and turned toward the door. "I gotta go. Bye." He quickly shoved his phone in his pocket as he jogged to the intercom and pushed the button.

"Hello?" he said, feeling a bit stupid about it and not sure why.

"Hey," came Kris's voice. "I'm here. Want me to come up, or are you gonna come down?"

"I'll come down," Adam said, knowing that if he invited Kris up they'd never go to dinner. And he wanted to talk tonight. He wanted to talk _first_ , anyway. "Be right there."

 

  
**Part 5: Ready**   


Kris was fidgeting with his shirt and trying not to pace as he waited at the bottom of Adam's stoop. He wasn't so much nervous as he was impatient - it had felt like seven o'clock was just never going to get there. Work had dragged. He'd been distracted and agitated all day; while he usually felt lucky to spend his days surrounded by musical instruments and people who loved them as much as he did, today he'd felt like a caged animal. At least he'd been working with Anna, and she had spent the hours gamely trying to distract him, or, when that didn't work, talking through his racing thoughts with him. Last night had been both amazing and bizarre, and he was grateful to have a friend there to babble at. He was also grateful, for the first time ever, that the store was slow.

Though Anna's mothering and worrying over him got on his nerves from time to time, it really did make her a truly wonderful listener, as she always managed to understand exactly what the main issue at hand was in even the most complicated situations. She had a way of seeing the heart of any problem, and she was powerless to stop herself from trying to fix it - she loved fiercely, and did whatever she could to protect and soothe those she considered to be in her care. She was definitely the right person to be with today. Without her, Kris would no doubt have been climbing the walls.

"I talked to Emily this morning," was the first thing Anna said to him when he walked in the door. He'd called Em on the way home, as promised, and given her a somewhat manic abridged edition of the night's events.

"Oh yeah?" He said. "What did she say?"

"She said you sounded like you were mainlining espresso, but otherwise seemed OK. And that it was my job to help you relax today."

"Yeah, I think that's gonna be a tough assignment for you," he said as he walked behind the counter and took a seat on one of the stools. "Sorry." He put his foot up on one of the stool rungs and his leg immediately started bouncing furiously. Anna walked over to him and put a hand on his knee. He forced himself to make hold his leg still.

"She also said you have a date tonight?" Anna said, trying to contain her grin.

"I do! Dinner, I guess. I don't know where yet. He's going to pick a place. I'm picking him up tonight. What the hell time is it? Oh God, ten hours is a longass time." There went the leg again.

Anna reached under the counter and pulled out Kris's favorite blue guitar. Handing it to him, she said, "here, why don't you take out all that fidgety energy on this instead of the stool?" He took it from her with thanks and, laying it across his knee, began fingering it idly. It helped.

"So," Anna said. "I sort of get the feeling last night went well?"

"It did," Kris said, looking up to meet her gaze while keeping his fingers busy on the guitar, mindlessly strumming. "Really well."

"What happened?"

"Um," Kris said, trying to think of a way to put it into words. "I don't know, I think... I guess something just came over me. Like, I felt something click. I had been scared going in, that it wouldn't work out or that he wasn't really into me or something, I don't know. But, we talked a little bit, and then I spent the whole night watching him dance and like..." he trailed off for a few moments, remembering. Anna watched him with a small smile on her face. "It was just a really amazing night. He does like me. I really believe it now, I could tell, could see it. The whole time he was dancing, he kept his eyes on me. And he's just. It was the best feeling I ever. OK. It was great." He laughed. "I know I'm not making any sense, I haven't really had a chance to even process it yet. I feel kind of high or something, I don't know."

"Alright, let's break it down, then," Anna said. "What do you mean, something came over you? What happened?"

"I jumped him," Kris said, laughing again, aware that he sounded a little bit hysterical. Anna gaped at him in mock-horror.

"Kristopher!"

"I'm telling you, it just came _over_ me," Kris said. "After we talked and made the date... and I knew, I knew then that something _could_ happen, that it could work out because it was obvious that he _did_ want to see me, or be with me, or whatever, then I went out and watched him dance. And the two things combined were just. Knowing he wanted me, and watching him move like... did you watch him dance, the other week? Did you really see him?"

"You already asked me that, Kris," Anna said. "I told you I did. He is a good looking guy, yeah."

"No, I mean watched him _dance_. He's just... I can't explain how it makes me feel. But it's like, I don't even feel sleazy about it because I knew it was _for me_ , and that's just... wow. He was watching me while I was watching him. It was almost more than I could handle, but the almost-more-than-I-can-handle feeling felt so good I just... I'd never felt anything like that before. It was just this side of feeling like I'd lost my mind or something. Like the world wasn't real anymore. Does that sound really crazy? I don't know. Don't really care, to be honest. But after that, when he was done, it was like. Damn if I could help myself. You know?"

"This whole thing sounds really intense, Kris," she said.

"It is," he said. "It's very intense... but in a good way, I think. I think it's going to be OK. I mean, he's still kind of skittish about the whole dating thing... I think he thinks I'm trying to lure him into a commitment or something, I don't know, sometimes he acts like he's got his leg stuck in a trap. But then, he also like made out with me in the middle of the bar where everybody could see, and he told some dude who was hitting on me that he couldn't have me because I'm _his_ so like..."

"He said you were his?" Anna broke in. Kris smiled, blushing a little.

"Yeah," he said. "So, I think he wants to spend more time with me but is scared of what it will _mean_ or something. Like he can't think about just one date, he can only think about having more dates and meeting the parents and looking at china patterns. Like he wants to avoid that at all costs, but at the same time he said he does want to get to know me and he did finally agree to go out tonight so... I don't know. I kind of feel like I'll have to walk a line with him, try to make him understand that I just want to get to know him, too, I'm really not trying to trap him at all. And who needs, like, a _special_ china pattern anyway? I never got what that was about. Is it like a sign of being married? You know you're in a long term relationship when you have Mutually Selected Dinnerware?"

Anna had laughed, leaning against the counter and looking at Kris with what looked like a mixture of excitement and... what was it? Pride? Awe?

"What are you thinking?" he said.

"I'm just marveling at you," she answered. "You're so... giddy, or something. I've never seen you like this, you're practically vibrating. And it's all so mind-blowing, I can't even begin to understand what's going on and here you are going with the flow, happy as a pig in shit, while in the middle of a pretty intensely complicated situation. How are you doing this?"

"I don't think it's that complicated," he said. "What's so complicated about it? I mean, all relationships have their issues, everybody has baggage..."

"If you don't think it's complicated, then I guess it isn't," Anna said. He could tell she was backpedaling a little; she didn't want to bring him down from his buzz.

"You just mean because he's a guy?"

"Well, yeah, that," she said. "And a gogo dancer. Your lives don't seem to have a lot of overlap."

"The dancing thing... whatever, we'll talk about it whenever it needs talking about. I am really not in a place to ask him to make career moves for me, and given that every time he dances I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience, I don't even want to ask him to stop. And the fact that he's a guy... another whatever. I don't care, Anna, I really don't. Actually, scratch that. I do care. Because being with him makes me feel... new. Better. Strong. I would never want him to be a girl. It wouldn't be the same, he wouldn't be Adam and it... it wouldn't be..." he paused, his fingers stopping on the guitar as his mind searched for the right words to explain it so she would understand. "This really _wonderful_ madness that comes over me when I'm with him. It's like freedom. You know all those love songs? About going crazy and not being able to eat and sleep and all that junk?"

She nodded.

"I've never experienced that. In all the time I've dated, I've hung out with girls and gone home and thought 'well, that was fun,' and then gone to bed. I could always eat and sleep just fine. I never felt like I was going crazy, I never stared at a phone and hoped it would ring. I've heard about all that shit, but I thought it was just songwriters being overdramatic, you know, but I think... I think. I think I've been doing it wrong. I don't think I've been dating the right people. Because now I know, it's true. I feel like I've lost my mind and it's... great. I'm running out of words to describe it. But I don't give a shit about the fact that it should be weird that he's a guy, because it just isn't. If other people have a problem with it, that's their issue."

She'd given him a hug, then, awkwardly leaning in over his guitar, and they had both laughed. Yeah, the day had been long and he had been impatient throughout, but he was grateful to have had her there. He was even more grateful that the time had finally passed, though, and his face broke out into a grin when he saw Adam finally walk out the door and start down the stairs toward him. He looked perfect, as always.

"Hi," Kris said, still grinning, unable to stop his hand from reaching toward Adam as he arrived at the bottom of the stairs. Adam smiled back at him, reaching out to take Kris's hand in his own.

"Hey," Adam said.

"So, are you ready for this?" Kris said.

"Yeah, I think I am. Are you?"

"More than ready. Where are you taking me?"

"This little cafe I love, it's not far from here. Walking distance, actually, so we can hit the bars after if you want, or come back here, or... whatever. Do you mind walking?"

"Not at all," he said. "Lead the way."

Adam took a step back, looking Kris up and down for a moment, then said, "can I just tell you first that you look amazing tonight?"

Kris blushed. He hoped it wasn't obvious just how much thought and effort had gone into his appearance tonight. He'd never really given that kind of thing much thought before, but he figured if he was going to be in public with Adam, he had better do what he could to try to look like he belonged beside him. He'd gone through every article of clothing he owned before deciding on a pair of gray pants that had been relegated to the back of his closet for being too tight and a fitted black button-down shirt. He had stood in front of the mirror for a solid ten minutes fussing with his buttons, completely unable to decide whether three buttons was too many to have undone, wondering whether the effect was alluring or cheesy, wishing one of the girls was there to guide him. He'd finally decided to throw caution to the wind and leave them open, filling some of the bare chest space with a silver guitar pick worn on a black lace around his neck. He'd spent even more time perfecting his hair, creating what he hoped was the illusion that he hadn't touched it at all. After he'd put on his black boots he realized he didn't have a jacket that really _matched_ \- the brown leather jacket he loved so much just didn't work - so he decided to go without one.

"You can certainly tell me that," Kris said with a shy smile. "Can I tell _you_ that you look beautiful?"

"Yes, you can," Adam said, tugging on Kris's hand to bring him in closer and leaning in to kiss him softly. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_ ," Kris said, grinning. "Ready to go?"

"Let's," Adam said as he turned to the right, leading Kris down the street. They were quiet for a few moments, and Kris wondered what Adam was thinking, how he was feeling. He was just about to ask when Adam disentangled his hand from Kris's and reached into his pocket to grab his cell. He seemed to check the time, then put the phone back in his pocket, but did not put his hand back in Kris's. Kris sighed quietly but made no comment.

"How was your day?" Adam said. Kris got the impression it was the first thing he could think to say, that he just wanted to say _something_.

"Long," Kris answered. "You?"

"Yeah, long for me too," he said. Kris turned to look at him as they walked, and saw Adam's lips pressed into a hard line, his eyebrows knit together. He looked like he was experiencing something unpleasant, and that seemed a very bad sign.

"Hey, are you OK?" Kris said.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Adam answered. "Why?"

"You look upset or something. What are you thinking?"

"Oh," Adam said. "Nothing, really. Just spinning my wheels as usual." They came to a stop sign and Adam turned right down the side street, with Kris trailing one step behind him. Kris reached out a hand and put it on Adam's back.

"Mind waiting up for me, man? Your legs are a little longer than mine." Adam slowed his pace.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be," Kris said. "Just slow up, we're not in a hurry, are we?" Adam shook his head but didn't say anything. Kris was getting more and more confused, wondering what had happened between their happy hello kiss and now that had caused Adam to shut down like this.

"What do you mean, you're spinning your wheels?" Kris said.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I really did have a long day today, it seemed to last forever. I had a lot of time to think. Too much time. I think I psyched myself out."

"How's that?"

"Let's not talk about it right now, OK?" Adam said. "Sorry, I got lost in my head there for a second, but I really do just want to have fun tonight. I'm glad we're doing this."

Kris watched Adam's face carefully, and Adam gave him a tentative smile. Kris wanted to reach out and take his hand again, offer him some comfort, but was worried that was what had caused the problem in the first place. He didn't know what to do.

"You know if you're uncomfortable, you can tell me," he finally said.

"It's not you, honey," Adam said. "Trust me. If anybody's making me uncomfortable, it's me. You do the exact opposite."

Kris nodded, unsure what else to say. They walked on in silence for a few minutes while Kris focused on the sound of their footsteps, trying not to think too much about what Adam's yo-yoing mood might mean.

"Here we are," Adam said, leading them toward a small building nestled among trees, back from the road. Kris thought it looked a bit like a cottage strung with white lights. As they got closer he saw the small painted sign above the door with "Frankie's" written in green script. It was the kind of place that you would never know was there if somebody didn't take you.

"Hi there, Adam," the host said as they walked in the door. He addressed Adam, but his eyes were on Kris, a curious expression on his face. "Got your table ready for you."

"Thanks, Matt," Adam said. They followed him through the restaurant - it was a cute place, Kris thought, with bare brick walls and low lighting - to a booth in a back corner. Kris noticed Matt's eyes shifting back and forth between he and Adam as they took their seats.

"Your server will be with you in a minute. Enjoy," he said before walking away.

"You come here a lot, I guess?" Kris said.

"I guess you could say that," Adam said. "Mostly with Neil or Megan or other friends. He's probably wondering who the hell you are."

Kris nodded, opening his menu. He'd felt excited and bold on the way to Adam's, but was unsure now and wishing Adam would give him a sign as to what he should do, how to make this easy and fun for him. He wished he knew why it had to be so complicated, why Adam couldn't just let go and have a good time. He felt frustrated as he stared down at the words in front of him, not really seeing them as he searched his brain for the right thing to say. Why did this seem so awkward, suddenly, when it was so easy when they were alone in the dressing room?

"Kris," Adam said, reaching a hand toward him.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be stressed, OK? I'm really OK. I just... I'm sorry, I..."

"Please," Kris interrupted. "Stop saying you're sorry. You've said it a hundred times. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Adam winced, then nodded, seeming unsure what to say now if he couldn't apologize.

"Listen," Kris said softly. "Why don't you just tell me what's on your mind? Let's get it out of the way so we can move on to our kickass date, yeah?"

"OK," Adam said. "It's nothing new, though. Like I said, just spinning my wheels as always, worrying about things I don't need to worry about."

"Like?"

"Like how important it is to me that you like me, and how I've never really worried about that before and how I don't know how to do it."

Kris laughed, and Adam gave him a puzzled look. "Adam," Kris said. "I _do_ like you. You don't have to try. Remember? Do you remember the first five minutes I was in your room with you, how you touched me and I spazzed?"

"You didn't know me then," Adam said. "I was just the hot guy in the tiny shorts. I have to be able to be more than that."

"Just be you," Kris said. "That's all I want. Don't worry about it, just do it. You're not going to scare me, I promise. Man, I wish you could've heard me talking to my friends about you the last couple of days. I wish I could prove to you somehow that it's not just the tiny shorts I'm here for."

"You talked to your friends about me?"

"Of course I did," Kris said, finally reaching his hand across to meet Adam's, lacing their fingers together. "I've barely stopped. I think they think I've lost my mind. And honestly, they're right. I think I am going crazy. But in a good way."

Adam smiled, and Kris felt some of the tension in his own shoulders loosen. It was good to see Adam smile.

"What did you say to them?" Adam asked.

"I told them that you're beautiful, and that I love your eyes and your laugh, and that I've never..." he stopped, rethinking his words. "That I'm excited to get to spend time with you, that I want to know you better. And that I'm afraid of scaring you away."

"I don't want you to be scared," Adam said.

"I don't want _you_ to be scared," Kris answered. "Listen, we've known each other for, what? Four days? This is all pretty weird and intense, right? I think we're both putting too much pressure on it. It's new for us both so... I think we're making it more complicated than it is. Let's not be scared. Let's just eat."

"You're right," Adam said, and Kris could almost see the tension leaving him as he smiled and opened his menu. Maybe it would be OK after all. "Let's eat."

As if on cue, a blonde waitress appeared beside their table.

"Hey guys," she said. "My name is Katy, I'll be taking care of you tonight. Can I get you some drinks?"

Kris looked up at her and his eyes popped wide.

  
**Part 6: Believe**   


Adam felt his stomach lurch as Kris's mouth dropped open, staring in horror at the waitress as she gaped back at him. He didn't know who this girl was, but given Kris's reaction he had a feeling running into her wasn't a good thing, and the irrational anxiety that had only just started to subside reared up again with force. He pulled his hand back and Kris let it go; Adam looked down, frowning, disappointed that Kris hadn't held on.

"Uh, hi, Katy," Kris said, blushing from his hairline straight down to his chest. "I didn't know you worked here."

"Yeah," she said, the look of shocked confusion on her face turning to one of growing anger. "I didn't know... huh. Well. I didn't expect to run into you _here_." She looked over at Adam, then back at Kris, clearly waiting for an introduction and explanation.

"Katy," Kris said. "This is Adam. Adam, Katy. She's, um, and old friend."

"I'm his ex, actually," Katy said with perceptible bitterness as she reached out her hand toward Adam. They shook quickly once then let go, both turning their eyes back to Kris immediately.

"I'm a new friend," Adam said, trying not to sound defensive as his insides did somersaults.

"I see," she said. "Well, this explains a lot, Kris."

"Please don't do this right now, Katy," Kris said, glancing at Adam then turning back to her with a beseeching look. "Please."

"Don't do what, exactly?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm just working. What are _you_ doing, I wonder?" _Oh, God_ , Adam thought. _This is going to be bad_.

"Just... don't," Kris said. "We can talk about this later if you want, but right now I'm just trying to enjoy my night with Adam, OK? Can you please just let me do that?"

"Uh huh," she said. "Sure. Go ahead and _enjoy_." She turned and walked away. Adam laughed nervously as Kris's head drooped and he hid his face in his hands.

"Well, she didn't even take our drink order," Adam said, sounding unsteady.

"I'm so sorry about that," Kris said, his voice muffled. "I'm so, so sorry. Oh my God, Adam, I didn't know, I never would've thought... Oh God, I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Adam said. "I'm the one who should apologize."

"What for?" Kris looked up.

"The last thing you need is for somebody you're not on good terms with to see you with me. Maybe this was a bad idea. But I didn't figure you'd run into anybody you knew in this neighborhood."

"Please, Adam," Kris said testily. "I'm not ashamed to be seen with you, it's not that. It's just... complicated with Katy. She didn't take it very well when we broke up... I was never able to give her a reason she accepted. She just... we were just over, you know? That's all. But she didn't think so, and I don't think... I don't think she's ever really let go. Of all the people to run into... good grief."

Adam watched as Kris saw something behind him and winced, quickly looking away; Adam turned around and saw Katy standing against a far wall, arms still crossed tightly across her chest, staring at Kris with a murderous expression. He turned back to face Kris with a sigh.

"She's a pretty girl," Adam said. And she was. Gorgeous, really, with the kind of clear skin and silky hair many women spent their entire lives trying to achieve.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, I guess," Adam said. He tried to think of something else to say, something that wouldn't sound pathetically insecure, but since he was feeling pathetically insecure he came up empty. The personification of his dread was standing in the room with him - the gorgeous girl who loved Kris - and he couldn't think of a way to voice what he was feeling without sounding as crazy as he felt. He was starting to feel like this entire night was going to be a nightmare, like maybe it _had_ been a mistake. He didn't like himself like this; afraid, unsure, out of control. He was getting tired of it and frustrated with himself for his inability to make it stop, and part of him wished he could go back in time and be the devotedly unattached partyboy he had been. His rules had been in place for a reason, after all: to protect him from exactly this. But then the other part of him shouted that going back to that time would mean never having met Kris, and the flip side of his fear was the dizzying exhilaration he felt with him, and at the idea that he could keep being with him. He went around and around it in his mind, unable to let go and afraid to hang on.

"Is _that_ what this is all about?" Kris asked suddenly. "You think I'm going to change my mind?"

Adam shrugged. "How do you know that you won't?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Kris said, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "What do you. How could you. OK, can we just get the hell out of here? We need to talk, and I can't do it with her staring bullets at me like that. I think she's planning on just letting us sit here without a server anyway. That sounds very Katy."

"OK," Adam said. "Where do you want to go then?"

"I don't care," Kris said, standing up. "Just somewhere where we can talk. I have some things I need to tell you, and some questions for you, too."

Kris came around the table, reaching out to take Adam's hand as he stood up. As they headed for the door Kris stared straight ahead, not even glancing in Katy's direction as they walked away.

Walking out of the restaurant Kris looked around, seeming to be searching for something, then began leading Adam toward the trees that surrounded the small, light-strung building. When he had found a spot that seemed to suit him - secluded enough to be private but with enough glow from the lights that they could still see each other - he turned to face Adam with an intense, almost angry, look.

"Listen to me," Kris said. "I thought you were afraid because you just didn't want to get your heart broken. That you didn't want to get in too deep. I've been trying to be mellow about the emotional stuff because I didn't want to scare you off. I thought if you knew... if you knew just how much I liked you, it would freak you out. Now I'm starting to think that that's not it at all. I think you _need_ to know what I'm thinking, because you seem to be under the impression that I'm going to, like, snap out of it or something and take off in search of a wife. Is that it?"

"It's both," Adam said, running a hand through his hair. "Well, I guess now it's mostly the straight thing... I'm pretty much in too deep already, I think. Or deeper than I ever meant to be. And that makes it even worse."

"Were you drunk last night?" Kris said.

Adam looked at him, confused. "No, why?"

"I was just wondering if you blacked out or something, if you forgot it completely."

"I remember."

"So did I do anything that made you think I wasn't completely interested in you?" Kris took a step toward Adam, placing a hand on his waist. "At what point while I was mauling you did you think I was having doubts?"

Adam stared down at Kris with a pained expression. "That's just sex, Kris," he said. "I never have trouble keeping people interested there. It's new and exciting for you, I get that. I'm... different, for you. But that can wear off, you know. People don't just... they don't just _change_ who they..."

"Oh, OK. Just sex," Kris said. "I see."

"I don't mean it like that," Adam said, taking a step toward Kris, closing the gap between them. "I just mean... so, yeah, you watched me dance all night and then when it was over you were hot. That's the _point_ of what I do, Kris. Not that it wasn't awesome, and not that I didn't wake up this morning with a big stupid grin on my face, it's just... I can't really use that to... it's not proof you're planning to stick with me. That's all."

"You're forgetting the part where I begged you to go out to dinner with me first. _Before_ I watched you dance and got all hot and bothered."

Adam sighed. "Well, yeah, but I..."

"You have to stop this," Kris interrupted, putting his other hand on the side of Adam's face. "Please. It's _not_ just sex, and it's not just your dancing, although those are two things I really enjoy, I can't lie. But I'm not just attracted to you. I'm _interested_. It was your looks that first got my attention - I admit it - but that's not what made me _stay_ , and that's not why I'm here now. Are you listening? Do you understand?" He kissed him then, softly, his hand moving back across Adam's cheek, then into his hair, gripping it tightly as his other hand wound around his back and pulled him in closer. He broke away to say, "believe me, please." Another kiss. "Do you believe me?"

"I want to believe you," Adam whispered, leaning down to bury his face in Kris's neck as his arms wrapped around his waist, bubbling up with emotions he couldn't name.

"How can I convince you?" Kris asked, pulling back, bringing his hands up to either side of Adam's face and forcing him to look him in the eye. "What do you need? Do you want me to tell you about how my life has been about nothing but you since the first time I saw you? I've hardly thought about anything else for over a week now. I didn't want to tell you because I knew how crazy it would sound and thought it would send you running for the hills, but it's true. Should I call my friends and have them tell you about some of the ridiculously sappy shit I've been saying about you the last few days? How I told Anna this morning that I felt like I finally understood what all those stupid love songs on the radio are about? Or would it help more for me to tell you about my relationship with Katy, and how our entire two years together combined wasn't as satisfying or... or _thrilling_ as all this madness with you has been?"

Adam closed his eyes and leaned forward, resting his forehead on Kris's.

"I'm not the same person I was," Kris continued. He sounded manic, like he had to get every bit of this out and couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. "I'm different now. Do you remember how I was that first night? How nervous I was? I don't feel that at all anymore. I feel... _powerful_. And this feels right, like this me is the one I should've been all along. And it isn't... it isn't about the sex, Adam. It's you. For God's sake, how could you think that running into my pissed-off ex-girlfriend could just erase that? Isn't it obvious how I... that I... I just want..." Adam stopped him with his mouth, letting out a strangled whine as their lips crushed together. Kris moved up onto tiptoe, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck and holding on for dear life as he pressed into him, seeming to be trying to convince him of the truth with the sheer intensity of his kiss.

Adam felt light-headed, euphoric as his mouth moved with Kris's. Somehow, Kris had been able to see past the glitter and the leather, past all his carefully constructed walls, and saw something more there. Something he liked. Something he wanted. This was real, and the pretty blonde ex was nothing. Adam felt his fear let go and the joy he'd been suppressing burst through. After a few moments he realized he wasn't breathing, and they broke apart with a gasp, Kris still hanging on his neck, unwilling to let go.

"Please," Kris said in a shaky whisper. "Believe me."

"I do," Adam said. "I believe you." He sighed.

"Good," Kris said, dropping back onto his heels but leaving his hands on the back of Adam's neck. "Don't forget it again. Now. What do you want to do? We still have a whole night, and I'm determined that it's going to be good. Tell me what would make you happy."

"I am happy now," Adam said. "Tell me what _you_ want to do."

Kris thought for a moment before answering. "I want you to _stay_ happy, and for us to go out and find some food and eat it, and then... something else. Whatever, I don't care, as long as we're having a good time. OK? No more thinking, no more doubts. Just you and me, OK?"

"Deal," Adam said. "Also, no more bitter exes would be great."

"Here's hoping," Kris said with a shaky laugh. He brought his hands down from Adam's neck, placing his right into Adam's left, and they began walking back toward the restaurant, out of the trees. "So where else is there to eat around here?"

"Well, there's the diner where we had breakfast the other morning. Not nearly as fancy, but I know all the people who work there and I would be very surprised if it turned out you'd ever broken any of their hearts." Adam smiled as Kris stuck his tongue out at him.

"OK, let's just go there then. Although, are we sure we won't run into any of _your_ broken hearts there?"

"Not at all," Adam said, laughing. "Let's cross our fingers, shall we?"

  
**Part 7: Interruptions**   


As Adam and Kris made their way out of the shadow of the trees and back into the light of the small parking lot, Kris was focusing on the feeling of Adam's hand in his, and on calming his now frantic heart. He had really been afraid for a moment there. What would he have done if Adam hadn't believed him, if he'd decided Kris wasn't a good bet and put a stop to this whole thing? He really didn't know, and was deeply grateful that it hadn't come to that. He was still searching his mind for new ways to convince him, more evidence to soothe him should his doubt rear up again, while simultaneously trying to hang on to the relief he'd felt when Adam had finally let himself trust. He turned and looked up at Adam's face as they passed under a street light and let out a small, relieved sigh to see that he was still smiling. It was OK, then, for now. He squeezed Adam's hand harder.

"Adam!" The voice came from behind them, and they turned together to see the restaurant host jogging across the lot to catch up with them.

"Hey, Matt," Adam said.

"Where are you going?" Matt said. "What the hell happened in there? Katy is in a rage, I think I am going to have to send her home. And you didn't even order drinks? What the hell?"

Adam frowned slightly. "Sorry, man," he said. "It, uh, turned out that Kris knew Katy, and they are not exactly..."

"She's my ex-girlfriend," Kris jumped in. "Sorry. She's not really happy with me, and it got a little... more than a little awkward."

"Ah," Matt said, trying to be subtle in the questioning glance he threw Adam and failing completely.

"How long has she been here, anyway?" Adam said. "I'd never seen her before."

"Just a couple of weeks. She has an uncle that's a regular, and he recommended her. She's been great, up until now. At the moment she's throwing a temper tantrum and hasn't visited one of her tables since you guys left. Now I've got one waitress covering the whole place while the other one tries to talk Katy out of her hissy. What exactly did you do to her?"

Kris bowed his head and his grip slackened. Adam held on extra tight in response.

"We didn't do anything to her, Matt," he said defensively. "She was just surprised to see Kris with me, I think. Maybe more than surprised."

"Yeah, a lot more," Matt said, looking Kris over with a disapproving expression. "I don't think we really met. Kris, is it? Matt." He held out his hand. Kris reached out and grasped it awkwardly with his left hand, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Nice to meet you," Kris said.

"So you're dating now, suddenly?" Matt said, looking back at Adam.

"Weird, huh?" Adam said, smirking. Matt didn't seem amused.

"Very."

"Yeah. Well, anyway, we're just going to head out," Adam said. "Sorry if we caused you trouble."

"Uh huh," Matt said, skipping the goodbyes and turning to walk away. They stood there silently for a moment, watching him go.

"A lot of people walking away mad tonight," Kris said. "I feel kind of bad that we put him in a tough spot."

"Don't," Adam said. "He's not mad about that. Well, maybe he is, but that's not the problem."

"Uh oh," Kris said. "Is he... one of yours?"

"Nope."

"But he wants to be."

Adam looked down at Kris with a small smile. "Yeah," he said. "He does."

Kris nodded, feeling a little guilty, wondering just how many men in this city had been waiting for the day when Adam Lambert would decide to make himself available, only to have a straight boy accidentally wander into his life and scoop him up. Then he couldn't stop himself from smiling, because he knew it didn't matter how many of them there were.

"That's tough luck for him," he said. "'Cause you're mine now."

Adam grinned. "You're damn right. Let's go." They turned together and continued walking.

"So," Kris said after a moment. "Was Matt just not your type?"

Adam looked down at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering what you like, what you've been looking for."

"I haven't really been looking for anything," Adam said with a chuckle. "Or, you know, if I was I never knew it. The reason I never hooked up with Matt is because I eat at Frankie's pretty often and wanted to be able to keep eating there."

"So are you just never able to keep anything with the people you hook up with? Is it one-and-done or what?"

"Not completely," Adam said. "I mean, officially the rule is that I hook up with people once and that's it, but obviously I'm only human. I haven't always stuck to that... some people are so good you have to go back for seconds." He glanced down at Kris, then, seeming to be trying to gauge his reaction, see if he was scaring him. Kris nodded, encouraging him to go on. "I have a few guys I went back to a few times, and that's about as close to a relationship as I've ever come... but if it seemed to be turning into a routine or something I'd stop it. I think of them as my exes. I used to be kind of proud of that... that the closest I'd come to being tied down was hooking up with the same guy four times."

"Four?"

"Yeah, that was like my long-term relationship," Adam laughed softly. "Anyway, most guys aren't too thrilled with the one-and-done rule, especially since they don't find out about it until afterward. So no, we don't come out friends in the end... I _have_ friends already, and I don't hook up with them. So people like Matt, who I see often in my real life or who I depend on for something, I don't mess with. He was never thrilled with that, but his being frustrated because I wouldn't go out with him beat him being so pissed off I had to find a new place to have dinner."

Kris laughed out loud then. "I think you might have to now," he said. "Sorry about that." Adam laughed with him.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I guess you're right. Well, damn!"

"Wish you'd just gone ahead and hit that, now?" Kris asked. Adam looked down at him and smirked.

"Nope," he said. Adam pulled their clasped hands behind his back, placing Kris's arm around his waist before draping an arm over Kris's shoulders and giving him a squeeze. They came to the stop sign and turned left.

"So you don't feel proud of it anymore?" Kris said.

"Hmmm?"

"You said you used to feel proud that your longest relationship was a four-time hookup. Not anymore?"

"Well, no, I guess I don't," Adam said. "Not _proud_ , but not ashamed either. I'm not totally sure I'd do anything different given the chance... but I'm more proud of myself for managing not to run from you than I ever was for running from them."

"I think you tried, though. To run."

Adam chuckled, looking down at Kris with a slightly embarrassed expression. "It was a pretty half-assed attempt, believe me."

"How's that?"

"Well, I'm here, aren't I? It was like I wanted to get out of this because that's what I do, it's my habit. It felt... weird, to me, to do anything else. But I didn't really _want_ to get out, because the truth is I'm really excited, more excited than I've been about anything in years. So I kind of, I don't know, went through the motions of feeling trapped and wanting to get away, but I don't think it was ever really a possibility."

"It sure seemed like one to me. You scared the shit out of me back there."

"I'm sorry," Adam said, frowning. "I wasn't... I don't think I could ever have really _left_ , though. I was afraid you were going to run from me, and scared of how much that would hurt. That's... that was the problem. I don't... I really don't like feeling afraid, that's kind of the root of all my baggage, I guess, so... exciting, yeah, but terrifying too. And knowing that I was really hooked, that I didn't have it in me to cut and run this time, and feeling like you might do it to _me_ any second... made me a little crazy. I'm sorry about that."

"You're hooked, huh?" Kris said with a flirtatious smirk. Adam bumped him with his hip, sticking out his tongue.

"I admit it," he said. "You know when you came in last night? Up until the minute you walked in the door I didn't know what I was going to do when I saw you, or what I would say when I talked to you. I was trying... don't freak out, but I was really trying to figure out a way to let you down. I thought... I mean, I really thought there was a chance you might've snapped out of it, and the more time passed the more I'd convinced myself you might not even show at all. I thought that might actually be for the best because then I wouldn't have to hurt you... because the thought of hurting you hurt _me_ , which was really new for me and should've tipped me off, I guess." He laughed nervously. Kris tightened his grip around his waist, wanting him to feel safe in continuing. "I was just thinking how I'd never really had a boyfriend, and how I'd never really _wanted_ one, and the fact that I suddenly wanted you like that set off every single one of my alarms, you know? So it was instinct to want to eliminate that... danger, I guess. But you know what happened."

Kris smiled. "Yes, I do."

"It was so weird, I can't even explain. Like, you came in, and I saw you, and all those leg-in-a-trap feelings went away and I had this like, _directive_ suddenly, to get to you immediately. To kiss you. I felt... like I wasn't me anymore. Or more me. I don't even know which. But I really didn't have a choice."

"I think you had a choice," Kris said. "But you're just not used to making the right one." This time he gave Adam a little hip bump and he chuckled.

"Yeah, maybe that's it," Adam said. "Neil told me the fact that I wanted to turn you away made me a scumbag."

"Ouch," Kris said.

"You don't think it does?"

"Well, I _didn't_ snap out of it, you know, and I'm not going to. I _did_ show up, and it was because I wanted to see you. Couldn't wait to see you, actually. So if you had tried to turn me away I don't think you would've found it that easy. Remember your pathetic attempt to tell me not seeing each other again would be smarter than going out and having fun together? How'd that work out for you?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"So, maybe you thought about it, but you wouldn't have been able to do it. So no, I don't think you're a scumbag."

"Well, that's good," Adam said, smiling. "I'm not sure how I'd feel about dating a guy who knowingly goes out with a scumbag."

They arrived at the diner and Adam reached out to open the door, ushering Kris in ahead of him. Waving to the hostess as they walked by, Adam directed Kris to a booth toward the back of the restaurant. As they sat down, Adam looked around, seeming to be scanning the room to see who was there.

"All clear?" Kris said.

"Looks like it," Adam said. "For now."

Their second pretty blonde waitress of the night approached the table. "Hey Adam," she said, handing them menus. "Who's your friend?"

"Hey Alexis," Adam said. "You mean you haven't met?" Kris kicked Adam under the table; Adam winked at him. "This is Kris."

"Nice to meet you," Kris said, waving.

"Likewise," she said, giving Adam a confused look. "Can I get you some drinks?"

"Just a coke for now, please," said Kris.

"Water," said Adam.

"Coming right up," she said, turning to walk away.

"Well, we've already made it farther than we did at the last place," Adam said. "Hopefully that's a sign of good things to come. Or at least food to come. I'm fucking starving."

"You know," Kris said. "I'm actually kind of glad we ran into Katy, In a weird way." Adam's eyebrows shot up into a look of shock.

"Why on earth?"

"Because I finally feel like I'm really on a date now, when everything was so tense before. If you hadn't pitched a terminal spaz, we might never have gotten to the bottom of this, and who knows how shitty it would've gotten? She was kind of our catalyst for laying our cards on the table, don't you think? Isn't it better now?"

"I guess you're right," Adam said. "Although I'm sure there must've been easier ways to get here."

"There are. You just fought against every single one." Kris smirked.

"Ha fucking ha," Adam said, opening his menu. Kris snickered as he opened his, and they were silent for a moment as they looked over their options. Kris tried to focus on the words, but he was starting to feel floaty, amped up. He wondered what would happen next, where they would go, how the night would end. He hoped things would continue to go well, and if they _did_ that they would end at Adam's apartment. He tried not to get ahead of himself, but his eyes wandered over to Adam's hands as they fidgeted with the menu pages, and memories of things those hands had done to him the night before flooded into his mind. He started to sweat.

"Oh hell," Adam said suddenly, jarring Kris out of his reverie. Kris looked up to see him looking toward the door with a horrified expression, and turned to see what new menace was coming their way. The hostess was talking to yet a third pretty blonde girl, this one with her hair in an elaborate updo, with tendrils spilling out from the top in a curly fountain. She was wearing a corseted red dress with a flared skirt falling to just above her knees, where it met a pair of spectacularly shiny black patent leather lace-up boots. Kris watched as the hostess pointed to their table, and the girl's face lit up with glee as she started toward them.

"I knew she was going to come looking for us," Adam said quickly. "But I didn't think she'd be out this early. Jesus Christ. Can't we just _eat_?"

"Who is it?" Kris said, confused.

"Hey guys!" She said as she reached the table and immediately snuggled in to sit beside Kris. Adam glared at her.

"Megan," he said. "What did I ask you not to do?"

She pouted at him. "I just wanted to say hi," she said. "And meet Kris. Hi, Kris!" She turned to face him, all giddy excitement.

"Hi," Kris said, blushing. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh my God," Megan said. "Adam, you were not joking about the adorable blush. I could just eat him up."

Adam rolled his eyes. "OK, so now you've met. I'll call you later." He gestured toward the door.

"No you won't," she said with a smirk. "You're going to be _busy_ later. Ow! What was that for?"

Kris looked up at Adam, confused, before realizing he must've kicked her under the table. He chuckled.

"Not if you don't leave us the hell alone," Adam said, not nearly as amused.

"You know, I went all the way over to Frankie's and then had to guess where you'd gone after that. The least you could do is let me sit with you for a minute. These boots weren't exactly made for walking, you know what I mean?" Adam glared. "What did you do to Matt, anyway? He was especially pissy when I got there."

" _Nothing_ ," Adam said.

"If you say so," she said. "So, Kris," she said, turning back to face him. "Tell me about yourself."

"No," Adam said. "It is not Megan-gets-to-know-Kris time. It is ADAM-gets-to-know-Kris time. I'm on a fucking date, Megs. Please?"

Alexis arrived at the table, placing Adam and Kris's drinks in front of them. She turned to Megan.

"Can I get you anything?" She said.

"No," Adam said again. "She's not staying."

This time Megan kicked Adam under the table. Kris laughed again. The whole scene was hilarious to him, and he couldn't quite put his finger on why.

"Um, alright, I'll check in with you guys in a minute, then," Alexis said, walking away.

" _Fine_ ," Megan said. She turned to Kris. "I'm not done with you, cutie. We're going to be best friends, wait and see."

"I look forward to it," Kris said, smiling. Megan leaned in and gave him an awkward side-hug, poking her tongue out at Adam, who rolled his eyes in response. She stood up and started toward the door.

"Sorry about that," Adam said.

"Don't be," Kris said. "She seems sweet. Reminds me of my girlfriends, actually. Imagine if there were three of her."

Adam snickered. "Can't wait to meet them!"

"Don't be too anxious. It'll happen soon enough, anyway. They're frothing at the mouth to meet _you_."

Kris watched as Adam turned to look toward the door, as if to check that Megan was actually leaving, and saw his smile fall into the look of horror that Kris was seeing way too much of tonight. Kris reluctantly turned to see what had brought on the look this time, and felt his face immediately fall into an identical mask of chagrin.

As Megan walked out the door, Ryan walked in.

 

  
**Part 8: Luck**   


"Oh, what the everloving _fuck_ ," Adam hissed.

Kris sighed. "Maybe he won't see us," he said. "With any luck."

"Oh, you mean like the luck we've been having so far? I am not sure I trust that luck, to be honest."

"What do you want to do?" Kris said. "Do you want to leave?"

Adam frowned, watching as Ryan took a seat in a booth on the other side of the room, across from what he assumed was his date; a taller, slightly older-looking man with short-cropped dark hair. With the way the booths were set up and where Ryan sat, he would have to turn his head to see Adam and Kris's table, and there was no real reason for him to look over that way. The bathrooms were behind where they were sitting and that was a worry, but, "no," Adam said. "I just want to eat. Fuck that guy. Actually, don't, he's not very good." He smirked.

Kris nodded, a lopsided frown on his face.

"Ready to order, guys?" Alexis said, seeming to appear out of nowhere. Adam realized in all their drama they had _still_ not really looked at the menu.

"Oh, I guess," he said. "I'll just have a burger. Kris, do you need more time?"

"No," he said. "Burger's good. Whatever."

"Alright, it'll be just a few minutes," she said as she walked away.

"You OK?" Adam said, giving Kris's foot a little nudge with his own.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered. "Just sick of walking the gauntlet. This is getting ridiculous."

"I know," Adam said. "Maybe my neighborhood wasn't the best place for our first date."

"Yeah, I'm definitely picking where we go next time." Adam smiled at that, glad to finally be at a point where they both knew there would be a next time, and that it didn't bother him at all.

"What's his deal, anyway?" Kris continued, clearly on a different train of thought entirely. Adam's smile sagged.

"You know how I said guys aren't generally thrilled with my one-time-only deal? Consider Ryan exhibit A. He was not only not thrilled, he was furious. I should've known that was a mistake... he was always kind of bitchy, but I was drunk and it was late and I wasn't being as choosy as I should have been. When I tried to make it clear to him afterward that I wasn't interested in a second show, at first he didn't believe me and hounded me a lot, thought I was playing hard to get, I guess... but the more I didn't respond to him the more angry and vindictive he got."

Kris nodded. "There must be an awful lot of people in this neighborhood that you have to dodge."

"I don't dodge them," Adam said. "I try not to deal with them if I can help it, and when I do have to I try to keep it as chill as possible. I do get more than my share of dirty looks, though."

"That's really kind of shitty," Kris said, sounding not angry but sad. "Seducing people and then ignoring them." A a shiver of fear ran up Adam's back. "I mean, I understand what you were saying about not being tied down and whatever, but I can only imagine how many people have been hurt while you were protecting yourself. You must've left quite a trail of broken hearts behind you."

"I... yeah, I guess I have. I don't know, I never really thought of it that way."

"How do you think of it?"

Adam felt his heart start to race and was sickened with himself for being afraid again. He remembered the last time they'd tried to talk about this, their first night together in his room, and how angry it had made him that Kris would judge him like that, that he would presume to know him. Now it just felt like Kris was seeing through him to some basic flaw, an essential weakness in his character - like he _did_ know him, and it wasn't a good thing. Would he ever stop being afraid of scaring Kris off? It had seemed that Kris was taking everything in stride, and that had shocked Adam all along... was there a point where he would break?

"I never thought of it as real," Adam said, softly, deciding to forge ahead with the truth and let the chips fall where they may. "Or I convinced myself _they_ didn't think of it as real. I met guys at my bar, at parties... places where I was dressed up, on display, dancing for money or just for attention. It's not... that's not really _me_... well, it is but it isn't... it's hard to explain. It's like this _other_ me. So when I'd hook up, it was like... they were getting to be with this character, this fantasy person I invented. Like a dream, you know? With the outfits and makeup and all my attitude... like they'd be with me for a little while, but then I'd be gone. Like a dream."

"Like you were doing them a favor?"

"I... sort of, I guess. Except it wasn't for them, it was for me. But I didn't think anybody could really be hurt by that. If we both had a good time... what's the harm?"

Kris rolled his eyes. "You never thought that the fact that so many of them got pissed off, that guys like Ryan would get mean about it, meant you might be doing harm?"

"I don't know," Adam said. "I didn't... I guess I really didn't think about it."

Kris was quiet for a moment before he said, "do you think you might be ready to be done with all that?"

Adam looked up at him, his mouth falling open, unsure what to say. The commitment Kris was asking him for had been implied between them, he knew, but the thought of saying it out loud, admitting that he had to completely change his life for this and promising he _would_ , made him feel like was standing on a cliff. His mouth hung open as his mind raced back over his past, his patterns, his rules, and the enormity of the question Kris was asking him. His eyes wandered over to Ryan's table - _exhibit A_ , he was thinking - just in time to catch Ryan staring at him. When they made eye contact Ryan sneered, then leaned forward to say something to the man he was with before moving to stand.

"Oh, fuck," Adam said, watching with horror as Ryan came toward them.

"What?" Kris said, but it was too late.

"Night number two?" Ryan said in a sing-songy voice as he arrived at their table.

Kris looked up at him, angry. "It's night number three, actually. In case you're keeping score." Adam looked over at Kris, shock on his face. He knew Ryan was no friend of Kris's, but he was surprised to see Kris so confrontational. He wondered what he was thinking.

"Three, huh? Wow, I guess it's almost time for promise rings."

"Fuck you, Ryan," Adam said. "This is none of your business."

"I'm just trying to look out for young Kris here," Ryan said. "I think he should know what he's getting into."

"I know what I'm getting into," Kris said, standing up. He faced Ryan as he had the night before, but this time his hands were limp at his sides. "A lot better than you do." He looked down at Adam meaningfully before walking past Ryan into the nearby men's room. Adam sat there for another moment, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Ryan smirked.

"The date seems to be going well," Ryan said.

Adam started to reply before realizing he was wasting his breath and wasting time. He stood up, shoving past Ryan to follow Kris into the bathroom. It was empty but for Kris, leaning against the opposite wall, arms folded across his chest. Adam started toward him but stopped halfway, unsure what kind of moment this was to be and afraid that Kris didn't want him to be close.

"I thought we said no more drama," Adam said. "Just you and me?" Kris's face was inscrutable. Adam searched for some clue to his thoughts, whether he was angry or sad or worried, but couldn't decipher the signs. The frustration was immense.

"We said no more bitter exes," Kris said.

"He's not my ex."

"I guess not," Kris said, pushing off the wall to stand up straight. "I wish you had some, though. Some _real_ exes."

"Why?"

"I was just thinking. If you hadn't shut yourself off and played a part instead of being yourself all those years, you might've really liked one of those guys. If you'd given them more than half an hour, or if you'd let somebody know you... you might've liked it."

Adam's face went blank. He had legitimately never considered this idea before. It had just never crossed his mind as a possibility. Sure, his conscience had made the odd flutter about this or that guy once in a while, but he'd never found that difficult to brush off, or at worst bury under memories of some new conquest. But the idea that he might actually _connect_? That _he_ might've missed out on something? It never came up.

"I... I don't know, Kris. It happened the way it happened. Nobody ever made me notice them enough to care before."

"I wonder why you noticed me. Why I didn't end up one of them. If you had done that... your original plan. If you'd kicked me out and then ignored me, that would've killed. I'm glad you didn't."

"I'm glad I didn't, too," Adam said, taking a step closer. "Is it my turn to reassure you now? Are you freaking out?"

"Not really... I mean, I know you like me. I believe you. It just kind of occurred to me that you've had a lot of options you didn't pursue, and I wonder how many could've been good for you. I'm... I don't think I'm even sure why it freaked me out."

Adam took another step closer, closing the gap between them. "Listen," he said. "I have made a lot of mistakes, I know that. Way, way more than my share, OK? But everything I did led up to now, and changing any of it would change all of it. You know, all that butterfly-in-China stuff. If I was operating in a haze of stupid selfishness, then you're the one who snapped me out of it, and you're the one who changed the pattern. If you're worrying because one of those guys might've been better than you, don't. They obviously weren't, because meeting them, fucking them, whatever, didn't change a damn thing about me. And if you're worried that I might decide this relationship thing is a hoot and try it with some other people, I'm sorry, honey, but I have to laugh. The relationship thing is the scariest thing I can think of, and I'm only braving it because I can't deal with the alternative."

Kris looked up at Adam's open face with what looked like mingled sadness and awe. "What's the alternative?"

"Not seeing you anymore," Adam said. "And that's never happened to me before. However many guys came before, none of them have done that to me. Does that help?"

Kris nodded.

"So," Adam said. "About before, when you asked me if I could -"

"Don't," Kris interrupted, looking down. "I'm sorry, I had no right. You don't have to answer that; it's our first fucking date."

"Don't take it back," Adam said. He reached out to put his hands on either side of Kris's face and forced him to look up at him. "It isn't our first date, really. You know that. Don't wimp out on me."

He paused, taking a breath. Getting ready to jump. "I think I can do it. I _want_ to do it."

Kris smiled. "That's intense," he said.

"I know, right?" Adam grinned back at him, then leaned down for a series of soft kisses. Kris moved up onto tiptoe, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck in a way that was starting to feel very comfortable and familiar. Adam moved down to nuzzle his neck. "Can you deal with me, though?" He said into Kris's skin as though the thought just occurred to him, before moving back up to look at his still-smiling face. "I'm going to do my best, but I'm not saying I'll never freak out, and the past and the guys and everything aren't going to go away."

"I think I can deal with you," Kris said, pulling him down for a more intense kiss, his tongue licking at Adam's lips until they opened up to let him in. Adam crushed into him, bringing his arms down to wrap them around Kris's waist and pull their bodies into close contact. He felt Kris hard against his leg and shuddered, shaken at how badly he wanted him now. He'd just had him last night, and two nights before that, and yet he was just barely restraining himself from ripping Kris's clothes off and claiming him on the floor of this bathroom. He knew what Kris looked like naked and couldn't wait to see it again. He knew Kris's taste and wanted to taste it again as soon as possible. His entire sexual history consisted of pulling people in and pushing them away, chasing and then losing interest. There was something about this that was so new that it was disorienting, almost breathtaking in its exhilaration. It was just so much _better_.

Adam moved his hands down to cup Kris's ass and Kris ground up into him, gasping at the friction and biting Adam's lip. Adam was just considering the possibilities of the bathroom, its relative privacy, and whether they should move into a stall, when his stomach growled loudly. Kris burst out laughing, moving down and chuckling into Adam's neck.

"OK," he said. "I think you need to eat."

"No!" Adam whined. "I'm OK, I promise. I bet I can make you scream so loud you drown it out, anyway." He nibbled at Kris's ear and Kris sighed.

"Later," Kris said, stepping back onto his heels. "You can make me scream all you want. This isn't really the best venue for it, anyway. Will you take me back to your place later?"

"I might never let you leave," Adam said.

"Sounds good," Kris said, pulling him back down into another long, dirty kiss and suppressing a whine of his own as Adam's tongue flicked and teased at his mouth. "OK, OK," he said when Adam broke away to take a breath. "Food first. We'll need the energy, yeah?"

"Definitely," Adam growled. Kris pulled his arms down from Adam's neck and Adam took his hand. "Let's hurry up before I change my mind. I'm not a saint, you know."

"I know," Kris said, grinning. "Let's go."

They walked out hand-in-hand, both faces flushed and beaming. Ryan looked up from his plate as they emerged and his smug face fell into a scowl at the sight of their smiles. Adam got the feeling he'd been sitting there eagerly waiting for Kris to storm out, and he had to snicker. Sorry to disappoint, he thought as squeezed Kris's hand. They sat down at their table, where their dinner was waiting for them.

 ****

  
**Part 9: Move**   


"Oh my God, I feel so much better," Adam said as he followed Kris out of the diner. Once on the sidewalk, Kris turned to face him with a smug smile.

"Told you we should eat," he said. "Now we're ready to face the rest of this night. Where to?"

Adam's forehead furrowed as he considered the question. Kris waited patiently, taking the moment just to look at him. Adam was beautiful in a way that made Kris's head spin, but Kris was not blind to his flaws. He enjoyed them, actually. He remembered the first time he saw Adam, how laying eyes on him had felt like a slap and a kiss at the same time, how he'd seemed to exude confidence and sex and just _demanded_ awed attention. Kris had been hooked - to use Adam's word - immediately. On that night Kris would never have imagined himself being on a date with that ferociously beautiful man, would never have considered it possible that a week and a half out he would be able to claim him as his own. But most of all he would never have imagined how captivating Adam would be beyond the breathtaking initial impression, that the more Adam revealed of himself, the more Kris would be drawn to him.

Adam had been a vision of lust, standing above him on a pedestal like an idol, no less, the first night. Kris could easily understand how a man might think he was dreaming to find himself kissing Adam, touching him and being touched, if all he knew of him was the shape of his ass in tight leather, the glint of his eyes when they flashed blue, the command of his eyebrows when they arched. It was not a stretch to imagine that many would consider a few heady minutes alone with Adam to be a fantasy realized, a victory, and leave dazed and happy rather than heartbroken. Maybe Adam had been partly right about that - about the _dream_ \- although Kris had no doubt many felt differently when they were asked to leave and not invited back. But for Kris, the more that image fell away, the less dreamlike and more real he became, the more Kris fell for him. His face had been beautiful, luminous, last Saturday when it had been distant and flawless, but he was far more beautiful now that Kris could see the imperfections in his skin, the smudges of makeup where he had absent-mindedly rubbed his eyes, the freckles on his lips. The intensely flashing eyes that had drawn him from the first time he'd seen them pulled him in even more now that he knew the sweetness, the vulnerability that hid behind them. Flawlessness was great for a fantasy. Kris preferred the reality by far.

It had been a ridiculous night, he couldn't deny it. Kris had imagined coming into the city and having a romantic dinner with some good conversation and a few drinks, going dancing, and then hopefully back to Adam's apartment - he would've settled for the dressing room, though, if he was being honest with himself - where they could pick up where they'd left off last night. He had not imagined this comedy of errors, this insane parade of interruptions, the see-sawing of doubts and reassurances. He felt surprisingly at ease now, though. Or at the very least satisfied; excited for the next thing. Which club? Which bar? What madness would fall on them next? Each obstacle, every terrifying moment, had brought them closer together in the end. In a moment of terror he had told Adam exactly how he felt and Adam had responded by tearing down another wall for him. He had doubted and been afraid, and Adam had offered him a promise. The perfect date Kris had envisioned sounded nice, but it was just a date. This night was more; this night had become momentous. Kris would not trade this reality for the fantasy.

"What are you thinking?" Kris said, coming out of his ruminations as he realized the silence was stretching too long.

"Options," Adam said, looking down at Kris with a thoughtful expression. "We could go to The Park, of course. We'd drink for free there, and have access to my room... but, I'm there all the time, and _you've_ been there a few times, and there's not much exciting about that. Plus Neil would be there. Copa is fun, they have good shot specials. But Angles is really the best for dancing. The biggest club on the block, best lights. The problem is no matter where we go, I'm going to know people there... I'm starting to doubt that going dancing is our best bet. Do you even _want_ to dance?"

"I want to dance with you," Kris said, taking a step toward Adam and placing a hand on each of his hips. "It was fun the last time, right?"

"We could do it in private," Adam said. "Where nobody would interrupt, no funny looks, no bitchy guys..."

Kris's face took on a hint of a pout as he looked up at Adam. "You know what?" he said. "I don't care who sees us, or who tries to interrupt, or who looks at you or me or both like we're crazy. I want to dance with you. I've never danced in a club before, and I'm sure I suck at it, whatever you might think... but I don't want to hide. We can't hole up in your room or your apartment forever."

"You're right," Adam sighed. "Fuck them."

"Exactly," Kris said. "And..." he paused, blushing just a little. Adam smirked.

"And?"

"And I kind of _want_ people to see us," he tugged on Adam's hips, pulling him in until they were belly-to-belly. "When I think about us together like that, and people _watching_ , I feel... it's just..."

"Fucking hot," Adam said.

"Yeah." Kris grinned.

"Mmm," Adam said. He leaned in to Kris's neck, licking a line from his collarbone to his jaw. Kris shivered, his hands gripping tightly at Adam's hips. Yeah, his real life beat any fantasy he could think up by a mile, and he silently thanked every deity he could think of to be sure he didn't pass over whatever benevolent power had brought this strange creature into his life.

"So," Kris said. "Angles?"

"Yes," Adam said, before pausing, one eyebrow shooting up like a lightbulb going off over his head. "Let's make a stop at The Park first. I just want to run in and grab something."

They turned together and walked the short distance to The Park in comfortable silence, arms around each others' waists. Arriving at the door, Adam said "wait here, two seconds," and slipped inside, trailing a hand toward Kris as he went. Kris smiled, spinning around on a heel to face the street as he waited. He barely stopped to wonder what Adam might need from the bar, he was too busy imagining stepping onto the dance floor together. His heart was pounding at the thought with equal amounts terror and anticipation.

Adam was in and out in less than two minutes.

"OK!" He said as he strode through the door, smiling. He had left his jacket inside, and his the glimmer of his shirt under the street lights was lovely. "Sorry about that. On to Angles, this way." He put a hand on Kris's lower back as he guided him down the street and around a corner to the entrance of a warehouse-sized building, the outside painted gunmetal gray. Above the door, in disproportionately small pink neon letters, was the word "Angles." Adam opened the door and ushered Kris inside, waving at the bouncer as they breezed through another set of doors into the club. Adam hadn't been kidding about the lights. Lights of various sizes and colors were absolutely everywhere, flashing in frantic patterns in time with the pounding beat of the music. Kris was momentarily blinded, then mesmerized.

Adam came up behind him and wound his arms around his waist. "Are you sure about this?" he said.

Kris looked out over the dance floor as his eyes began adjusting. It was a Tuesday night so the place was not packed, but there were more people on the floor than he might've expected for nine-thirty on a weeknight. He scanned the outer ring the club, around the bars, and saw still more people gathered in groups around tables and milling about, chatting each other up as they waited for their drinks. Kris stiffened as his nerves came over him. What made him think he could go through with dancing in front of this many people? He had been a complete danceophobe his entire life, and he was going to break the streak by going for it in front of the kind of people who went to dance clubs on a Tuesday night? With a guy like _Adam_ , who was going to draw everybody's attention no matter what?

"Um," Kris finally managed to say.

"Having second thoughts?"

"Maybe a little bit," Kris admitted.

"I thought you might be," Adam said. "Follow me."

He came around Kris, trailing a hand around his waist before taking his hand and leading him around the edge of the dance floor, weaving around tables and people on their way to the restroom at the back of the club. Adam opened the door and ushered Kris inside, hurrying him to the stall at the far end of the room and locking the door behind them.

"We're spending a lot more time in bathrooms tonight than I expected," Kris said dryly.

"Funny," Adam said. "Anyway. I thought you might be nervous, and I remembered that last time we had loosened you up first. So," he paused dramatically, reaching into his pocket and producing a long, slim joint. "Let's loosen you up."

"Here?"

"Smell the air, Kris. We are not doing anything this bathroom hasn't seen before. Don't worry."

Kris tried to find it in him to resist, but he just couldn't manage it. Smoking sounded just about perfect right about now. He nodded with a half-smile, and Adam brought the joint up, placing it in Kris's mouth and pulling a lighter out of his pocket. Kris puckered and puffed his cheeks as Adam held the flame to the tip, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply. After holding the hit for a moment he opened his eyes slowly to see Adam leaning toward him, his mouth slightly open, full lips wet and expectant.

"Give it to me," he said.

Kris leaned into him, pressing his lips gently against Adam's waiting mouth and exhaling in a slow gust. Adam breathed in then pulled away slowly; Kris flicked his tongue against Adam's lower lip as he went. Adam held the smoke a long moment, looking at Kris with intense grey eyes, then exhaled. He took the joint from Kris's hand, brought it up to his mouth and pulled on it, keeping his eyes on Kris. Then he leaned forward and returned the favor, this time crushing their lips together more firmly, breathing the earthy smoke out slowly and then lingering behind as Kris held it in. Kris felt his senses opening up, his tension easing, as finally he exhaled and looked up at Adam, smiling.

"This was a really good idea," Kris said.

"I've been known to have one from time to time," Adam said, passing back to Kris. "And I'm not even done yet. Turn around."

Kris arched an eyebrow.

"Loosening you up?" Adam said, taking Kris by the shoulders and spinning him to face the wall. "I think you'll recall there was more to it. Keep hitting that thing."

Kris brought the joint up to his mouth and began to pull on it as Adam's hands set to work on his shoulders. A low groan escaped him along with the smoke when he exhaled, letting his head fall back onto one of Adam's hands as it rubbed at his neck. Adam was _so good_ at this loosening up thing. Kris thought back to the last time he'd gotten this treatment, smiling fondly at the memory. It seemed to him, though, that the order had been switched up this time. On Saturday Adam had rubbed his shoulders _first_ , and before they had smoked...

Kris craned his neck to look back at Adam, smirking at him in profile. "You did something else to loosen me up last time, too," he said. Adam chuckled.

"Yes, I did," he said, letting one hand trail down from Kris's shoulder, wrapping around to rest just above the button of his pants. "I'm not going to do that this time, though," he leaned down to whisper into Kris's ear. The hairs on the back of Kris's neck stood up while his face fell into a pout.

"Why not?"

"What did I tell you about dancing?" Adam asked, turning Kris back around to face him. Kris's face went blank as he tried to remember, mouth dropping open as he thought back on everything Adam had said. It wasn't easy; his mind was starting to become difficult to control. As he waited, Adam reached out to take the joint from Kris, hitting and holding with a patient expression as he watched Kris puzzle. Then it clicked.

"That it's a prelude..." Kris said.

"Yes," Adam smiled, pleased. "So this," he said, moving a hand down to push against Kris's growing erection. "May actually help." Kris gasped and pushed into Adam as he smirked and pulled his hand up and away, trailing a finger along the length as he went.

"You think you're so cute," Kris said in a growl. Adam's face turned to a mask of innocence and Kris took a step forward, leaning up to bite at Adam's neck as his right hand explored downward. He found Adam as hard as he was, and groaned as his hand cupped the shape through Adam's tight pants. Adam jerked forward, bringing his free hand up to dig into Kris's hair.

"Oh, you little shit," Adam said in a laughing whisper, tugging on Kris's hair to bring him into a deep kiss. "This is going to be good. Come on."

He tossed the smoldering roach into the toilet and grabbed Kris's hand, using his other to unlatch the stall door. He led Kris through the bathroom and back into the club with a sense of urgency, spinning around to face him as they approached the edge of the dance floor. Hooking a finger through a belt loop on either side of Kris's waist, he walked backwards, pulling Kris onto the floor with a wicked grin, eyebrows arched devilishly. Kris's senses were swimming, the lights overwhelming, combining with his buzz to create an otherworldly feeling, like he and Adam were alone together on another planet, or just floating in space. The frantic pounding of the music made him feel like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, or maybe it was just the fevered look in Adam's eyes.

Finding a spot that met his approval, Adam stopped and yanked on Kris's hips, bringing him in close and wrapping his arms around his waist. Kris's arms moved up without his having to send them, wrapping themselves tightly around Adam's neck as Adam brought a hand down further, trailing over Kris's ass before hitching his leg up and around his thigh. Kris gasped as Adam's leg pressed into his crotch, throwing his head back as Adam moved his down to nuzzle into Kris's neck, running his nose along his jawline as he moved to whisper into his ear.

"Move with me," he said.

Kris nodded dreamily, feeling Adam's hips as they moved back and forth, allowing himself to mirror their every thrust and pop, his breath coming in rhythmic gasps in time with the friction between them. He closed his eyes, seeing the colors of the lights flashing through his eyelids, feeling Adam's breath on his neck, moving with the synced pounding of the music and his hyperactive heart, and lost himself completely in this moment unlike any other.

  
**Part 10: Close**   


_Well, I guess the loosening up worked_ , Adam thought as he held Kris close, directing him and moving him with his own body. Kris seemed completely gone, his eyes closed, head thrown back as he ground his hips sinfully into Adam's leg to the pounding of the music. Adam couldn't resist the exposed length of Kris's neck and he leaned into him to nuzzle it, bite it, kiss it, suck it. Kris responded to these touches with an extra hard thrust, a mewling growl, a gasp. Adam couldn't hold him close enough; he felt undone by Kris's abandon, by the sizzling heat of his skin, by the sight of the tiny drops of sweat on Kris's forehead. This didn't feel like dancing anymore, it felt like sex.

While Kris seemed lost, oblivious to time and place, Adam was very aware of where they were and who was watching. He glanced around once or twice and saw that they were the center of attention; the other dancing couples and groups were giving them a wide berth on the floor and he could see people around the edge of the dance floor trying not to be obvious as they stared. He saw many faces he knew, regulars from the bar, people he partied with and boys he'd owned, watching them with varying levels of disgust, surprise, and envy on their faces. But Kris, oh Kris had no idea, he was floating in space, lost in the music and in Adam and Adam couldn't find the will to care who was watching or what they were thinking when that stretch of Kris's neck, now red from his attention, kept calling him back. The insistent thrust against his leg, the feeling of Kris's gorgeous ass under his palm, was all that mattered now.

He pushed into Kris with extra force and felt Kris twitch against him, his face taking on a broken, helpless look as he moaned into Adam's ear.

 _Fuck_ , Adam thought. _I could finish him right here_. The idea of making Kris come, here on the dance floor with all these eyes on them, made Adam's already throbbing cock twitch. He could imagine it happening; Kris going stiff against him, his back arching into Adam's hand as he screamed out. Everybody would know what was happening; Kris was beyond stopping this, beyond understanding or caring that they were in public, beyond shame or discretion. He had no fucking idea how hot he was, how he drove Adam crazy. He was just lost, just feeling, just dancing. Adam was overflowing with lust for this alien creature grinding up against him, so full of emotions he couldn't categorize that he almost felt like crying, or screaming or laughing or some mad combination of the three. He was lost too, in his own way.

Adam bent his knees, lowering himself then coming back up, dragging his thigh firmly up and over Kris's erection, and Kris shuddered into him, his fingers digging into Adam's back desperately. Adam growled, pulling Kris, impossibly, even closer, as he moved his nose up along Kris's throat and over his jaw, breathing heavily. His eyes caught on a flash of red directly ahead of him as his head came up over Kris's, and he looked over to see a girl with a full shock of fire-engine red hair glinting under the flashing lights, staring at them with her mouth hanging open. On either side of her were two more girls - a blonde and a brunette - wearing matching looks of slack-jawed surprise.

 _Uh oh_ , he thought, immediately realizing who they must be. He froze.

Kris continued grinding against him, his hands clawing at him, bringing his face in to chew hungrily at Adam's neck.

"Kris," he said into Kris's ear.

"Don't stop," Kris answered in a broken gasp, seeming to be trying to climb him, or get inside him, or some combination of both. Adam groaned; he loved having Kris like this, undone and broken and begging for him, he loved where this was going and he didn't _want_ to stop. But he just couldn't do this in front of Kris's friends. He wanted to meet them properly; he did not want their first impression of him to be as a crazed exhibitionist, wrecking Kris in public. Not with those looks of confused horror on their faces.

"Babe," Adam said. "Kris. I think... I think your girls are here."

"What?" Kris answered into the skin of Adam's neck, his hips still moving into and against Adam, seeming to be completely detached from his mind.

"They're watching," Adam said. He brought a hand up to Kris's face, pulling him away and turning him around to see. Kris finally opened his eyes, and then they popped wide when he saw his friends standing there, staring directly at him.

"Oh, God," he said. It took his hips an extra moment to catch up with what was going on and stop moving, then he groaned and cursed under his breath.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to go back in time ten seconds to when I didn't know they were here," he said, turning to face Adam again, frustration seeming to rise off him like steam.

"We'd better go over and say hi, don't you think?" Adam said.

Kris huffed. "Yeah, I guess." He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "I'm going to kill Allison. I should've known she... fuck. I'm going to kill her."

As they made their way across the dance floor to where the girls were standing, Kris's attempt at an intense I'm-going-to-kill-you face was so adorable that Adam had to suppress a smile. The girls all seemed to think it was pretty funny too, as their shocked looks became smirks that turned into excited smiles as they got closer.

"Well, hi there, Kris," the redhead said, looking like she was about to burst out of her skin in her excitement. "How's it going?"

"It'll be better in five minutes after I've murdered you," Kris said. It was obvious his threats didn't scare her much; her only response was to stick out her tongue at him before turning to face Adam with a grin.

"You must be Adam," she said, holding out her hand. He shook it, now unable to contain his smile. She was pretty adorable, really.

"Yes, I am."

"I'm Allison," she said. "This is Anna and Emily," she said, gesturing to the blonde girl and the brunette respectively.

"Nice to meet all of you," Adam said, waving. "I've heard a lot about you." He looked down at Kris, whose mixed fuming and pouting expression was just ridiculously cute. Adam reached down and took his hand, then leaned in to whisper "relax, we have plenty of time," into his ear. Kris turned to look at him, and it took two seconds for the anger to melt off his face and be replaced with a dazed smile. Adam smiled in return.

The girls tried to contain their squealing, and did a poor job of it.

"OK you guys," Kris said, his face hardening again. "So you hunted us down, you met Adam, and now it's time to go."

"Aw, come on, Kris!" Allison wailed.

"I'm really sorry, Kris," Emily jumped in. "She couldn't be contained. I sent you a text to warn you to retreat to a private place, did you not get it?"

"I haven't looked at my phone all night. Why couldn't you lock her in a room or something?"

"She was relentless," Anna said. "She kept saying we probably wouldn't find you anyway and they're doing amateur strip at Copa and we went last time and there's no reason we couldn't go again. Em thought if we warned you first it might not be so bad, and we did kind of want to go out..."

"But you're not at Copa," Kris said.

"There were no cute guys tonight," Allison said, pouting her bottom lip.

"Right. Or we weren't there, so you started going door-to-door at all the clubs on the block."

Allison grinned.

"Amateur strip at Copa is usually pretty lame," Adam said, hoping to change the subject and diffuse the situation while also endearing himself to Kris's girls. It felt important. "What you want to do is wait for strip night at Angles. They only do it a few times a year, but it's _so_ worth the wait. Better guys, better set-up. They've got one coming up next month."

"Do you..." Anna started, then hesitated, blushing, when Adam turned to look at her. "Do you, uh. Strip? At those?"

Adam laughed. "I have before, but I don't usually." He looked down at Kris, who was staring up at him. "I mean, I start in my underwear at my regular gig so stripping seems a bit redundant."

"I think I'd like to see that," Kris said.

"See me strip?"

"Yeah."

"That can be arranged," Adam said, smirking. "But will you strip for me? I'd like to see _that_."

Kris moved in closer. "If you loosen me up first, maybe."

"Hmm, I do love loosening you up," Adam said, his eyes on Kris's lips as he began leaning down to him.

"Guys?"

Adam stopped, standing up straight again and turning to look back at the girls, two of whom were staring wide-eyed. It was apparently Emily who had spoken; her face was a carefully composed mask of seriousness, but Adam could see the laughter wanting to erupt.

"Sorry," he said. Kris harumphed.

"Wow," Allison said. "You guys are... intense."

"We're on a date," Kris said. "I'm not sure if you noticed, but you kind of interrupted a moment."

"No kidding," she said. "When you said you might do some dancing I didn't realize you meant the NC-17 kind."

"Don't blame me if you saw something you didn't want to see," Kris said. "You weren't invited."

The girls seemed shocked that Kris's irritation hadn't worn off. They all wore slightly wounded looks, and none seemed sure what to say next. They seemed nice enough, if a little bit over-excited, and as much as Adam hoped they would just go away and let him get back to turning Kris inside out, he also didn't want their feelings to be hurt. He wanted them to like him.

"It's OK, really," he said, an apologetic smile on his face.

"It's not OK," Kris said. "Didn't you tell Megan to fuck off when she interrupted us at dinner? We were just sitting at a table then. This... I was..."

"I know," Adam said. "But you know I'll take care of you." He brought a hand up and ran a finger down Kris's cheek. Kris's eyes closed at the touch; he was still so tightly wound, so _ready_. "We have all night. We can give them a few minutes."

Kris nodded and murmured his assent, then turned to face his friends again, his face softened toward them just a little.

"What..." Emily began, her face confused. "What did you _do_ to him?" She turned her awed face to Adam, who chuckled.

"I don't think I know what you mean," he said.

"I just... I've known Kris most of his life and I've never even imagined... never thought he could ever. He's just so different. The dancing." She seemed at a loss, turning back to Kris, now.

Kris shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what he did to me, Em," he said. "But it's all good. And going to get better, I think." He looked back at Adam then, who was beaming down at him. He was oddly glad that Kris's friends had come. They proved to him in a way that Kris would never be able to with mere words that this was special. _Different_. Adam felt like meeting Kris, wrangling scary relationship issues with him while desperately wanting him the way he did, had changed every cell in his body. Knowing it was changing Kris, too, seeing the incredulous looks of disbelief on his friends' faces, felt like a shot of confidence in his arm.

"Glad it's good, honey," Adam said, as softly as he could and still be heard over the music. They stared at each other for a long moment, Adam sinking into Kris's somehow scalding-hot chocolate eyes, forgetting what they had been talking about - _had_ there been a topic of conversation? - until Emily cleared her throat loudly.

"We don't really need to bother you guys anymore," she said, when they both turned to look at her.

"They said we could have a few minutes!" Allison squealed. She really was like a child, that one. He bet she was probably great fun at a party, though.

"They obviously want to be alone," Emily said. "And Kris will call us tomorrow."

"I'll call you tomorrow too, if you want," Adam said, grinning at her. "I need to find out how you got your hair so bright. Shit is fierce."

Kris gasped audibly, then groaned. "Oh no, you asked her about her HAIR."

"I meant she could tell me..."

"Too late."

"It's not that hard, really," Allison began. "It just takes time. I use this stuff that says to leave it on for an hour? I leave it on for like, eight. I'll like rent a bunch of movies and make food and make a day of it. And then before I rinse..." She just went on and on, and Adam smiled indulgently and listened. She had some good tips, really. He liked having colored streaks in his hair, but they seemed to fade so quickly, he couldn't imagine having to maintain a full head of such a bright color. He imagined it took dedication. He felt Kris sag beside him, clearly bored with the topic. Emily and Anna moved in closer to them and began talking to Kris as Adam tried to focus on the part of Allison's hair-thesis that dealt with the pros and cons of various conditioners when considering the special needs of unnaturally colored hair.

Adam tried to listen to Kris's conversation with one ear while not diverting his focus from Allison. He was already sure she was going to be his favorite; she had so much fire in her, and he couldn't _not_ love somebody this devoted to hair care. He heard a few "oh my god"s from Kris, some aww-ing and squealing from the girls, some sentences with questioning inflections he couldn't quite make out.

"Tonight, I hope," Kris said, during the lull as one song wound down and the next was beginning. Both girls stuttered variations of "oh my God" and "wow," and Adam had to break eye contact with Allison to look down at Kris, curious now what they were talking about.

"Tonight what?" he said, Allison's views on eyebrow dyeing trailing off as she lost her audience. Kris blushed.

"Nothing," he said. "We'll talk about it later." Adam quirked an eyebrow, but Kris didn't seem ready to say anything more on the subject.

"Oh my God," Allison said to Anna and Emily. "Were you guys getting dirt from him while I was babbling about my hair? What did he say?"

"They're having a good time," Anna said, smiling.

"Well _hey there_ , guys!" This new voice came from behind them, and Adam only had time to turn his head slightly before an arm was slung around his shoulder and Megan's head popped between he and Kris. "I told you I wasn't done! Having fun?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "Yes, we're having a blast, thanks," he said, letting go of Kris's hand to better shake Megan off.

"Hey Megan," Kris said with a sigh. "These are my friends. Allison, Anna, Em." He pointed at each. "Apparently our date has become a group affair."

"Aw, when did you get so grumpy?" she said. "You were so sweet earlier."

"I'll be sweet again later, promise," Kris said.

"You're always sweet, don't let them tell you otherwise," Adam said, placing his hand back in Kris's. Kris's girls grinned at him, and Adam felt glad. They seemed to approve, and that was good.

"Wow, I _love_ that dress," Emily said to Megan, moving closer to examine the voluminous skirt. "Where did you get it?"

"Oh, here we go," Adam said as Megan launched into the tale of how she'd taken three dresses, actually, and deconstructed them to put together this new, _much cooler_ dress. The girls all seemed to find the story fascinating. Adam did too, if he was being honest, but he'd heard it before and he wasn't just exactly at this moment completely interested in detailed accounts of Megan's fashion experiments.

"Hey," he said, leaning down to speak into Kris's ear. "You wanna make a run for it?"

Kris looked at the girls quickly - they were huddled around Megan, examining the seam around her waist like it was a fascinating scientific specimen - then back at Adam.

"Let's go," he said, and started toward the door at a jog, trailing Adam behind him.

 

  
**Part 11: Home**   


As Kris crashed through the club doors and onto the street, he could hear Adam laughing breathlessly behind him. He didn't stop, taking a deep breath of fresh air and freedom as he tore down the street, maneuvering them around the people on the sidewalk. He turned the corner at a reckless gallop, relief washing over him as the voices and laughter of the people gathered around the club entrance faded behind them. They were well clear of the club when Kris finally stopped and spun to face Adam, who narrowly avoided sending them both sprawling onto the sidewalk by skidding to a stop and grabbing Kris around the waist, leaning backward to regain his balance.

Kris threw his head back and laughed, giddy with the exhilaration of escape and the knowledge that they were done with the public part of their date, done with other people, done with interruptions. Adam pulled him closer and leaned into the exposed stretch of Kris's neck, giggling into his skin as he nipped at it, seeming to be feeling a bit high on freedom himself.

"Finally," Kris said, bringing his hands up to bury in Adam's hair, holding his head in place at his throat to communicate that Adam was _more_ than welcome there, as if there had ever been any doubt.

"Mmm hmmm," Adam murmured in agreement, taking a few steps and walking Kris backward, pinning him against the wall. Kris hissed, his lips pulling back to expose his teeth as Adam bit down harder. It felt good. Kris had never imagined that somebody biting him - hurting him, really - could feel this good, but there were a lot of things he had never imagined, he supposed. He bucked his hips into Adam involuntarily.

"Come on," Kris said, pushing Adam back and squeezing out from against the wall. "We need to get somewhere private right the fuck now, or I'm going to end up getting us arrested. Let's go." He put one arm around Adam's waist and tugged him in close as he began walking; Adam slipped a hand down to squeeze Kris's ass as they went and Kris growled in response. He felt hot. Not just turned on, but _hot_ , like his brain was boiling inside his head, like everything everywhere around him was radiating red heat - most of all Adam. Being close to Adam had gone from a mild torment to unthinkable torture and he was done waiting; he'd been somewhere between half turned-on and wild with need without relief for the last few hours, and he could not stand it one moment longer. Nothing was going to stop him now.

When they reached the door to The Park, Kris veered toward it, reaching out for the handle. Adam pulled him back.

"No," he said. "My apartment isn't that far."

Kris whined. "But your room is _right here_."

"No," Adam said again, shaking his head. "I said I'd take you home. I want to take you home."

Kris pouted. Adam pulled him back into the crook under his shoulder, letting his hand drift south again as he leaned in to speak right into Kris's ear. "It'll be worth it, trust me," he said. Kris shuddered perceptibly as he felt Adam's breath on his ear. "And when we finally pass out, we'll be in a nice big comfy bed, and when we wake up we can have breakfast. OK?"

Kris nodded, his pout turning to a look of intense determination as he began walking briskly, pulling Adam along beside him. Adam laughed at the desperate pace Kris was setting - just short of a jog, really - and lengthened his stride to keep up. They finally reached Adam's building and took the stairs two at a time; Adam fumbled with his keys at the door, distracted by Kris's insistent mouth and wandering hands and breathless "come on, come on," but finally managed to get them inside. They jogged to the elevator, Kris pushing the button over and over like it would make it arrive faster. Adam laughed at Kris's almost childlike impatience, but didn't seem to be in much better shape - Kris watched him with hungry eyes, and saw Adam's flushed face, his flashing eyes and quick breathing undermining the calmly amused demeanor he was attempting to project.

Once on the elevator, Kris lunged at Adam, plastering him against the mirrored wall, his hands and mouth unsure where to go first, seeming to roam Adam aimlessly as Adam gasped beneath him. The ride up was short, and Kris had time to think disjointedly _how do people actually have sex on elevators? They must do it in taller buildings than this one_ , before Adam was pushing him back, grabbing him by the wrist and leading him down the hall to his apartment.

As the door closed behind them and Kris stood facing Adam in the entryway, he felt his brain lock up. Finally, they were here, alone, with several locked doors between them and anybody who might want to interrupt them. This was the part he had been looking forward to, the part he had been desperate for, the part to which everything up to this point had been leading. _Finally_. And yet he found himself unable to move, stunned to the point of paralysis by the immediacy, the reality of the moment. For some immeasurable period of time - probably just a few seconds, really - he just stared at Adam as Adam stared back at him. Both breathing heavily, both tense with anticipation, both somehow unable to make the first move. They had become more, over the course of their strange and frustrating date, they both knew. Nothing they had done before would mean as much as what they did tonight, what they would do now that they had promises between them. It felt like what came next would seal those promises, and both men were excited and terrified, eager and daunted.

Finally, Adam smiled, reaching a hand up and placing it on the side of Kris's face. Kris leaned into the touch and closed his eyes as Adam bent down to kiss him.

Then Kris broke.

He let out a hitching gasp as his hands came up to dig into Adam's hair, pulling himself up to crush their lips together with bruising ferocity. Adam wrapped his arms around Kris's waist and pulled him in tight, belt buckle-to-belt buckle, shuddering as Kris ground up into him further. Adam broke away to suck in a gasping breath as the feel of Kris's hard length against his own seemed to knock the air right out of him. As Adam tried to breathe Kris dove into his neck, biting down hard, tearing a half-scream, half-moan out of Adam that made Kris feel light-headed.

"Fuck," Adam said through gritted teeth, then abruptly fell to his knees, fumbling at Kris's zipper with a desperation that implied he would tear it open if he had to. He finally managed to get it down, yanking Kris's pants and boxers to the floor roughly. Kris spread his legs and threw his head back, his hands still buried in Adam's hair, attempting to maintain his balance as Adam took him into his mouth.

Kris bucked, knowing that the long night of anticipation would guarantee that Adam wouldn't have to work for very long to finish him. He tried to stop his hips from moving with little success, the feeling of Adam's hot tongue, his throat, the tickling vibration as he hummed and moaned around him, shaking all control right out of him. And yet it still wasn't enough; Adam felt too far away.

"Wait, wait," Kris said suddenly. Adam looked up at him, one eyebrow arched in a question, his tongue still moving, laving the underside of Kris's cock in a way that threatened to erase all of Kris's cognitive abilities. Kris moaned. "Oh, god. Just... wait. I have an idea. Oh, fuck."

Adam pulled back, his lips, already swollen from the violence of their earlier kiss, now plump and red and so _used_ looking that Kris suppressed a whimper.

"What's wrong?" Adam said. "Not working for you?" Why was that little touch of hurt in his voice so fucking hot?

Kris sank to his knees, kissing those beautifully used lips again, then pushed Adam's shoulders, directing him to lay on the floor. He swiftly removed Adam's shoes and then his pants - sucking in his breath when he found nothing underneath them - then immediately wrapped his lips around the leaking head of Adam's erection before swiveling to present his own to Adam's face.

"Oh, fuck, I love you," Adam said in the moment before he swallowed Kris again, shifting slightly to lay on his side so that they were facing each other, gripping Kris's hip with one hand as he set to work.

Kris's rhythm stuttered, startled both by the blinding intensity of simultaneously sucking and being sucked as well as Adam's words. He tried to regain his composure, tried to find his stride, but the feeling of Adam's mouth on him was undoing him quickly. He brought a hand up to pump Adam's shaft in a shuddering, broken rhythm, eyes closed, his breath coming out in frantic bursts as he ran his tongue over and around Adam's cock, desperately attempting to hold up his end of this deal while his brain and body burned.

Kris came with a startled cry, thrusting into Adam's mouth as he spilled down his throat. Adam made an appreciative noise, almost a purring sound, which brought another round of shakes and tremors out of Kris. As the aftershocks wracked him, Kris tightened his grip, wrapping his mouth around the head once more and moving in time with the increased speed of his pumping hand. He tried to mimic what Adam had done to him, flattening his tongue as he ran it up and along the shaft, occasionally teasing the slit, taking as much of the length as he could into his throat. He didn't have to focus on humming, he couldn't have stopped the moaning if he wanted to. As Adam let Kris's deflating cock fall out of his mouth he hissed, bucking, then came himself with a high moan.

Kris was trembling as he swallowed, struck again by just how much he loved this, just how exquisite every gorgeous and filthy moment with Adam was. How could Adam ever have doubted this? How could anything ever be more right?

Kris turned around and crawled to Adam's side, kicking off his shoes and pants before laying down in Adam's outstretched arms and burrowing his face into his neck. He planted soft kisses on Adam's throat, his collarbone, the underside of his chin, sighing. They lay there a long moment as their hearts and breathing slowed.

"That was a good idea," Adam said.

"I've been known to have one from time to time," Kris answered with a smirk.

"We always seem to end up on the floor," Adam said, exhaling dramatically as he sat up, bringing Kris with him. "Let's go to the bed."

"Tired?"

Adam laughed. "Not even a little bit. I hope you didn't think we were done. That was just to take the edge off and make it last longer when the real fun starts." He stood shakily, taking Kris's hand to pull him up.

Kris followed Adam down the hall to the bedroom. It was a fine, spacious room, but Kris was surprised at the way it was decorated. He had imagined something extravagant and colorful - bold and maybe a little intimidating - but this room looked like it had been dressed for a catalog shoot, never lived in. The carpeting, drapes, bed clothes and furnishings were all warm earth tones, completely balanced, neat and clean. Perfectly lovely, but not at all _Adam_.

"Not what you expected?" Adam said as he watched Kris taking in his surroundings.

"Not quite," Kris said, smiling. "Did you decorate in here?"

"No," Adam said, unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it across a brown leather arm chair in the corner of the room. "Neil was horrified to realize I just had a mattress on the floor in here for the first six months I had the place, so he hired some designer or buyer or whatever to make it look 'homey.' I don't really spend enough time here to care." He grabbed the decorative throw pillows from the bed and tossed them on the floor before pulling the covers back and climbing in. He patted the other side of the bed with a smile, waiting for Kris to join him.

Kris smiled in return, taking off his shirt and letting it fall to the floor, then climbed in beside Adam, snuggling into his chest with a sigh.

"I feel so much better," Kris said. "I think I might have had a complete psychotic break if I'd had to wait one minute longer."

Adam chuckled. "Was the night _that_ awful? I thought it was quite productive, myself."

"No, not awful," Kris said. "Frustrating, at times. And then, _very_ frustrating, in an entirely different way, toward the end."

"Are you still mad at your girls?"

Kris frowned. "No, I guess not. I should've expected it. If they'd shown up at a different time I probably wouldn't have been _as_ pissed. I might even have been able to have a sense of humor about it. I guess I owe them an apology."

"No, you don't. It was their wrong. A small one, though, in the grand scheme of things... and they only did it because they're excited for you. Let them apologize to you, but go easy on them."

Kris nodded, and they were silent for a moment. Kris was feeling himself rise and fall with the cadence of Adam's breathing, enjoying the warm feeling of skin-on-skin.

"Really, though," Adam said suddenly. "It's probably a good thing they interrupted when they did."

"Why's that?"

"Well, I don't think you would've been too happy if you'd come in your pants in public. Would you? I mean, I was kind of excited by the prospect myself, but once the moment passed, don't you think you would've regretted that just a little?"

"I wasn't really thinking about it like that," Kris said softly. "Is that where it was going? You knew? I didn't... I mean, I really lost touch with reality for a few minutes there, and it was just us and colors and light and music. I didn't think about that... about where it was going. I guess you're right, though, I was probably closer than I thought. But I just... I was mad at them for forcing me out of what seemed like a pretty awesome moment just for me and you. Whether we were in public or not."

"It was a pretty awesome moment," Adam said, putting his arms around Kris to squeeze him tight. "You know, you really have no idea how hot you are. I wish you could've seen yourself."

Kris laughed. "Oh yeah," he said. "I'm sure there's nothing hotter than having a guy who can't even keep the beat rutting desperately against your leg. Sexy."

"Having a guy want me that bad, when I want _him_ that bad, _is_ the sexiest thing I can think of," Adam said seriously. "And you with your eyes closed, face all sweaty, mouth open, neck all red and marked up... fuck, Kris. You made me feel like I was losing my mind."

Kris pushed himself up on an elbow to look at Adam's face. He was intense, now, all playfulness gone.

"You make me feel like I'm losing _my_ mind," Kris said. "All the time. But I like it better than being sane."

"Me, too," Adam said, moving up from his pillow to catch Kris's mouth with his own. Kris leaned in, laying Adam back down and deepening their kiss.

"So," Adam said against Kris's lips. "What were you talking to Em and Anna about?"

"Hmm?" Kris's eyebrows arched, confused by this line of talk at such a moment.

"You said _tonight_. Tonight what?"

Kris pulled back, blushing a little. "Well, you know," he said. "I talk to them about... everything, pretty much."

"Mmm hmmm?" Adam was smirking now, his eyes smoky and mischievous.

"I told them that I... that I was ready." He looked down, then found his courage and looked back up into Adam's now smoldering eyes. "That I wanted to fuck you."

Kris was surprised, his mouth falling open in chagrin, when Adam burst into laughter, one hand flying up to cover his mouth.

"What?" Kris said, stung.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Adam said, trying with limited success to suppress his laughter. "Oh, I'm sorry, honey, really. That just... heh. You caught me off guard. It's just... don't I seem like a top to you?"

Kris looked confused.

"I fuck. I don't get fucked," Adam clarified.

"Ever?"

"Well, not in a very, _very_ long time, anyway," Adam said. He moved quickly then, flipping Kris onto his back, bracing himself over him with a hand on either side of Kris's head.

"I know how," Kris said, head spinning, not having expected this turn of events. "I've done it with girls before and I... I like it."

"You'll like it from the other side too," Adam said, leaning down to bite at Kris's earlobe. "Actually, you'll love it. Promise."

Kris sucked in a breath, his heart hammering against his ribcage. "So you're saying I could never... that you'd never let me..."

"We'll talk about it," Adam purred right into Kris's ear. "But not tonight."

Kris exhaled shakily. Adam was on now, he knew. This was showtime Adam, powerful, seductive Adam; not the vulnerable boy he had held and comforted under moonlight, not the sweet thing who had reassured him at the diner. It wasn't even the sinuously sexy animal he'd ground into at the club. This was the man who worked the pedestal, the one who prided himself on turning lives upside down with the heady mix of his body, his eyes and his mystique. Kris felt himself getting hard again as Adam's lowered himself onto him, his lips working the line from Kris's ear, across his jaw and under his chin; his hands kneading insistently at the soft skin of Kris's side. He could feel Adam hardening against him, too, and Kris felt his breathing accelerate, his body moving into Adam's touch.

Kris remembered Adam speaking to him softly the first time he'd been in his room, how simultaneously sexy and gentle he'd been in his effort not to scare him away. He remembered feeling that anything that Adam wanted, anything he asked from him, Kris would give. He knew now that it was more true than he'd been capable of imagining at the time.

It had taken about thirty seconds from the moment Adam made the suggestion for Kris to realize that he would do it; ten more to realize that he _wanted_ to do it. At first he thought it was because he knew it was what Adam wanted and he was powerless to say no to him, especially when he had turned his charisma on full blast, but the back of his mind was telling him it would be good, that he was _right_ to want it. He went from fear to desire in the span of three heartbeats. Adam had never done anything to him that could be considered less than world-shakingly amazing, and he had a feeling this would be no different - unless it was more world-shaking still.

As Adam slid his hand down from Kris's side to cup his ass, Kris sighed and pushed into the touch.

"OK," he said, little more than a whisper.

"Sure?" Adam asked, and Kris could hear under-the-moonlight Adam in that one word, like he was having trouble keeping his mask on now - though he obviously wanted to be wearing it, was _trying_ to wear it.

"Yeah," Kris said. "I trust you."

Adam pushed himself back up to look at Kris's face and momentarily beamed before fixing his features into an fiercely seductive expression, lips pouted out as his eyebrows lowered, darkening his eyes.

"You won't regret it," he said, voice walking a line between husky and giddy. He held his position over Kris, their faces inches apart, one arm propping him up as his other hand worked gently inward toward its goal.

"The most important thing is to relax," Adam said in a soothing tone. "If you don't want it, it won't feel good, OK?" Kris nodded. Then Adam's voice turned to a low growl: "It's my job to make you want it, though. And trust me, by the time I'm done you will never have wanted anything more in your life. Do you believe me?"

Kris did. If Adam had ever said a true thing to him, this was it. Feeling Adam's fingers just brushing his opening, Adam beginning to rock just slightly into him with the thrumming energy of what was to come, seeing Adam's eyes staring into his with a look so deep it was almost menacing - there was no doubting it. Kris believed.

"Yes," he said, bucking his hips slightly to drive the point home - drive it into Adam's belly, actually.

Adam smiled, pushing back into Kris before suddenly rolling off of him and away, digging through a drawer in the bedside table and coming up with a small bottle and a condom. With a wink he shimmied down the bed, where he grabbed Kris by the ankles and pushed his legs up and apart. He leaned back to the floor to grab one of the pillows he'd tossed there and slipped it under Kris's ass, then opened his knees with a light touch to the inside of each thigh.

Kris heard Adam sigh, presumably enjoying the view. Kris felt himself blushing and unconsciously moved to close his legs, but Adam stopped him with a touch to one knee.

"Don't," he said. "Just close your eyes and breathe."

Kris did. He heard the snap of the plastic cap on the bottle, and a moment later felt Adam's fingers gently pressing against his hole. He jerked a bit at the initial touch, and Adam responded by making soothing noises as he moved two fingers around and around in a gentle wet circle, teasing around the edge. Kris kept his eyes closed as he focused on the feeling - it felt good. He hadn't expected to like this, even just _this_ , just touching, but he was already responding to it. He found himself rolling his hips just slightly in rhythm with Adam's fingers, and when he did Adam began to press harder and move just a little bit faster. Kris felt his breathing becoming slightly ragged and was surprised again by his body's response - he couldn't seem to stop himself from pushing back. And as Adam's laps picked up speed, as he began to tease the entrance more, hinting every few seconds at going in but never doing so, Kris's cock began to ache, he started feeling like he _needed_ Adam to push in.

A moan escaped Kris's mouth as he rolled hard into Adam's hand. He opened his eyes a slit, glanced down to see Adam watching him closely, a small smile on his face as he licked his lips.

"I need..." Kris began.

"Shhh, I know what you need, sweetheart," Adam murmured. "I'll take care of you."

Kris's eyes rolled back as he closed them again. Adam's fingers felt electric now, like they were the source of a current that was running all through his body; it was half pleasure and half ache and all _need_. He heard the snap of the bottle again and then Adam's fingers were gone; before Kris could complain, he felt one finger push inside him and he arched his back with a groan.

"You've never had anything inside you before, have you?" Adam said lowly.

Kris gasped. "N-n-n..." was all he could manage.

Adam twisted his hand, rotating the finger and pushing in deeper, then thrust it gently once or twice before pushing in more roughly. Kris clenched his teeth, hissing. It hurt but didn't hurt, was too much and nowhere near enough. Just one finger did that? How could he ever...?

And then Adam moved back in again, this time with two fingers. Kris was rocking his hips now without even realizing it. Pushing against Adam's hand, making demands.

"That good?" Adam said.

"Nnnngh," Kris said. He didn't know how long this part went on, lost track of the thrusting and rotating, the in and out motion that was slowly opening him up. He lost all his tension, all awareness of himself as his knees fell apart limply to give Adam complete access. When Adam added a third finger Kris's stream of moaning and hissing got louder, the steady rocking of his hips stuttering for a moment before beginning again with renewed force. Adam put a hand on Kris's hips to steady him, but he could not be contained. No matter how much Adam gave him, no matter how full or stretched he felt, Kris's mind was chanting _more, more, more_ , though he was beyond being able to say it out loud. His body pressed forward, cock hard and leaking, begging without words.

"OK, baby," he heard Adam say after some immeasurable period of time, his voice sounding like it was coming from another planet. "This might hurt a little bit. If you want me to stop, say so."

Kris nodded his head frantically, the best he could do at communicating _yes, please_. When he felt Adam's hand leaving him he tried and failed to stifle a whine; his hips kept moving, searching, and Kris had time to wonder petulantly what was taking so long before Adam moved up over him, laying kisses all over his chest and neck before beginning to push in.

Kris sucked in a breath and let it out in a series of ragged gasps as he felt Adam slowly filling him up. It _did_ hurt. It felt impossible, like he shouldn't possibly be able to take what Adam was giving him. His mouth opened in a silent scream as his eyes fluttered. He saw Adam, then, hovering above him with sweat beaded on his forehead, tension on his face.

"Is this OK?" Adam said.

Kris searched his mind to find words and forced his mouth to cooperate in speaking them, knowing that this was important.

"Yes," he breathed. "I'm g-good. Do it. Do it."

Adam exhaled, then closed his eyes as he pushed all the way in. Kris arched into him, unable to categorize anything that he was feeling, everything so completely new that if he weren't so totally anchored to Adam he would feel lost and terrified. But Adam was there, firm above him, around him and inside him - with him - and it turned what would've been fear in the unknown into unspeakable exhilaration and electricity, crackling through his mind as much as his body. Adam held his position, giving Kris time to get used to the feeling before doing anything further, and Kris opened his eyes to look directly into Adam's when he reached up to put a hand on Adam's lower back and pushed his hips into him roughly, bringing a gasp from both of them.

"Do it," he said again. " _Please_ , Adam."

Adam groaned as he pulled back, the tension dissolving from his face as he let go and began to move in a slow rhythm in and out. Every thrust in felt like a jolt of pleasure like nothing Kris had felt before, every pull back was a loss. The pain faded into the background, replaced by his need for more _in_ , less _out_.

"Faster," Kris said, or maybe just thought he did, his rocking hips picking up speed and urging Adam to do the same. Adam obliged, seeming to lose what was left of his composure in the process, moving into Kris with increased speed and force, making the shock of joy each time they came together all the more intense, until Kris lost his words again along with his thoughts, his head rolling back as his moaning turned to alternating growls and whimpers.

He heard Adam speaking sweetly to him through ragged breaths. "So beautiful," he said, and "oh god," again and again.

When Kris felt Adam's hand suddenly close tightly around his cock, he saw explosions on the insides of his eyelids, bursts of color and light taking over his mind until there was nothing else. Adam pumped roughly just a few times before Kris's back bowed and his body tensed, one hand digging into Adam's back as the other gripped at the sheets, a scream tearing from him - his mouth tried to form the word Adam but couldn't manage it - as he came in rolling, crashing waves. The scream died in a broken wail as Kris opened his eyes halfway to see Adam's face screwed up in some fierce combination of emotion and exertion, biting his lower lip as he stared down at Kris with piercing eyes.

Kris brought both hands up to the back of Adam's neck, pulling him in so they were nose-to-nose as Adam continued rocking into Kris, faster now, thrusting him through lingering spasms as he got closer to his own end.

Kris felt the chaos in his mind clear slightly and words came to him again.

"Adam," he said, and it sounded a little bit like a sob.

Adam opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but instead he suddenly ducked his head, burying it into Kris's neck as he clenched, screaming Kris's name directly into his skin as he came. Kris felt the vibrations of Adam's voice through his body even as he was feeling his cock pulse inside him and wrapped his arms tighter, gasping as he held Adam through his shuddering orgasm.

When it was over Adam let his weight go, collapsing completely onto Kris. He reached down with one hand to pull the condom off, dropping it quickly into the small trash can by the bed. Kris turned his head, searching with his mouth until he found Adam's, and they kissed brokenly as they panted, both sweaty, sticky and flushed. Adam brought his hands up and held Kris's face on either side as Kris kept his arms wound tightly around Adam's back. After a moment, Kris made a choking noise then began laughing breathlessly.

"What?" Adam said.

"Can't breathe," Kris said, smiling.

"Oh, sorry," Adam said, chuckling and rolling off of him. "Are you OK?" he said once they were better situated, Kris nestled into his chest once again.

"Yes," Kris said. "Fine. Much better than fine."

"You're not... hurt?"

Kris shifted a little bit, stretched his legs, wiggled his hips. "If I am, I can't tell yet," he said, smirking. Adam looked alarmed. "Honestly, I think I'm OK," Kris reassured him.

Adam nodded, sighing, his face all relief.

Kris laughed. "Look at you," he said. "You were really worried?"

"Not _worried_ ," Adam said, a touch defensively. "Just concerned."

"Uh huh. And you were trying to give me your big bad sex god act earlier."

"Are you trying to imply that I'm not a sex god?" Adam arched his eyebrows, like the very idea was preposterous.

"No," Kris said playfully. "Only that I doubt you usually stop halfway through the show to double check that your boy is OK and warn that it might hurt. Am I wrong?"

Adam's lips pressed together in a hard line and his eyes narrowed as he looked at Kris, but before he could help himself a bright smile started to spread.

"No, I guess I don't," he said.

"Well, thank you," Kris said. "That was really... really, really wonderful. Really."

"Really?" Adam mimicked, laughing. "I told you so."

"Yeah, yeah," Kris said. "We're still going to have that talk, though."

"We'll see," Adam said. "It was really really wonderful for me too, by the way."

"I'm glad," Kris said, nestling in closer to Adam's side and running his hand softly up and down his hip, carefully avoiding the ticklish spots. Adam's hand was moving in slow, soothing circles on Kris's back.

Moments passed and Kris began to feel sleepy, the pace of his caressing hand slowing.

"Hey," he said, a bit groggily.

"Hmmm?" Adam sounded half-asleep himself.

"Do you remember what you said to me earlier? In the entryway?"

There was a long moment of silence before Adam quietly said, "yes, I remember."

"Do you want me to forget that you said that?"

"N-no," Adam said. "I didn't... I didn't mean to say it, but I think I meant it. But I don't think we should _really_ say it... you know. Yet."

"OK," Kris said, closing his eyes. "I think I do, too, though. Just so you know."

"Thank you," Adam said softly, the hand that wasn't pinned beneath Kris coming up to brush his cheek.

Kris smiled, and if anything more was said or done after that, he didn't remember it. One moment he was listening to the slow and steady rhythm of Adam's breathing, the next he was dreaming of flying.

  
**~*~  
The End**   



End file.
